State Visit: BORACAY

Manila, Philippines
21 June 2009

Could'nt sleep. Running on fumes now. Worried that if I sleep, I might not wake up early enough to catch that early Cebu Pacific flight from Manila to Caticlan, so I just took some toothpicks to keep my eyes open, drank more Coke light (what they call Diet Coke in the Philippines) took a shower and waited it out.

If Greenbelt impressed me, Terminal 3 of the NAIA airport takes the cake. This is a world class airport. It gives every Filipino its dignity back. After witnessing that garbage of an airport that is Terminal 1, seeing Terminal 3 makes me want to blow up Terminal 1 myself. I mean can we hurry up and blow that old airport already?

FORGET THE GUY IN THE PICTURE. LOOK AT HOW SPARKLING THIS TERMINAL 3 IS!!

So we get to the airport bright and early, really psyched over this trip! I remember the first time I heard about Boracay when I was in high school. Then it was just a dream to me, only heard it from classmates wealthier than me. I mean how can I even fathom going there, I was just a high school student asking for baon everyday. So I promised myself that if and when I get the chance to go, I will go to Boracay. Several years late, but hey I'm almost there!

So grabbed breakfast from one of the restos inside the terminal and waited. Of course not before going through security and again lining up separately from the women. (It is really funny.) Oh this was also my first encounter with a so-called celeb: Keanna Reeves. Ok I admit. I wanted to take a picture of her. Not for my own benefit but for this blog. I mean wouldnt it be nice to have a celeb in here? But thankfully I came to my senses and decided against it.

I SAW YOU LOOKING AT ME KEANNA...

Question for any celebs out there. Do you guys really wanna be noticed? Or recognized? Is it good for your egos? I ask this question because it seemed like Keanna wanted me to notice her. She at least looked at me three times and of course I pretended not to know of her. And with me not acknowledging her presence, her and posse just amped up the volume of their conversation! Ugh!

So after that brief encounter and my chicken mami that by the way had chicken wings on it with bones and all, we all went to our gate. By the way, is it just me or has chicken mami reinvented itself? I remember the chicken of chicken mami as real meat, as opposed to what I got. I mean if not for the noodles, I wouldve thought I was eating tinola!!

As we wait for our flight, i noticed two men wearing a barong tagalog approaching our gate accompanying this older woman. I immediately knew that this lady was somewhat important. Took me a while to figure out who she was but after a few minutes I figured it out. It was Filipino-American businesswoman Loida Nicolas Lewis. If not for the two bodyguards/escorts who took her to the gate I wouldnt have noticed who or what she was. All the time she was there she was texting away on her cell, never even saw her look left or right. I guess that was my second encounter of a semi celeb.

After a few moments, we were called for boarding. We took this bus to take us to our plane. Pretty cool, although the damn thing was not airconditioned. No complaints though as it was 4am, not too hot and it ddnt take more than two minutes to take us to our plane.

This was the first flight out of Manila to Caticlan for the day so it was not full. Again, the plane was dominated by Koreans. When my sister told me about the enormous number of Koreans in the Philippines, I never thought that it was this big. I thought it would just be a sprinkle of them, kinda like how Asian Indians were in the late 80s. Damn I guess Koreans do love the Philippines huh?

Anyway, we were fortunate enough to get on a sparkling brand new Cebu Pacific plane. Not that I have a fear of flying but it does help alleviate one's fear when you know that the aircraft you are gonna be looks and feel like it wont break in two mid flight. The plane was tended by two pretty hot looking flight attendants. I ddnt care much by their color scheme: khaki, orange and white but the girls were young, all made up and decked out in their uniforms outfitted by BENCH!! as evidenced by the logo on their sleeves. Big turn off definitely but hey the unis were tight enough so by all means.

BRAND NEW CEBU PACIFIC PLANE!

Took off soon enough and as soon as I figured out that those propellers on the plane would not disintegrate, slept like a baby. Thankfully I woke up just before landing and was able to see how beautiful Boracay is up there. Am I really going to that island? Ocean Beach in San Francisco or Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk got nothing on this shit!!!

THE VIEW FROM UP THERE

Thank god no one clapped when we landed or else I would've slashed my wrists. MEMO to everyone. Clapping during landing is not necessary unless your flight went through some crazy death defying maneuver or went through some kind of natural calamity. Act like you've been on a plane dammit!! If you really want to show your appreciation to the pilot, say thank you as you disembark.

So here I am Boracay. After all those years of yearning, I'm finally here. After all these years of answering no to white folks to the question: "Have you been to Boracay?" I'm finally here.

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines

Manila State Visit: Day 3

Manila, Philippines
20 June 2009

Still not much sleep. Still operating at Bay Area time. So after that crazy night, Here I am up at the ungodly hour of 9am. had my nephew buy some hot pandesal at Pan de Manila and enjoyed every gooey, soft, chewy madness that is pandesal.

I GUESS YOU CAN'T PARK HERE?

The day was relatively quiet, just took the nephews and nieces to SM Southmall. Took a tricycle ride (weeeee!) to Southland, (which reminded me of my path going to high school in Las Pinas) and boarded a short airconditioned bus ride to SM Southmall.

THIS WAS NOT A SPECIAL TRIP

Needless to say the traffic was horrific. You would think they would have widened Zapote-Alabang road by now huh? But no. They still do the same counterflow whatever where they would stop one direction so those going to the other direction could use four lanes of traffic. Let me spell it out.. R-O-A-D W-I-D-E-N-I-N-G!!

BOSS SOUTHLAND!!

Ahh SM. Dunno, its just a huge piece of commercial real estate. Being in Greenbelt the day before this place just does not hold a candle, or a gasera, or even a posporo. I guess I should not compare but I guess its fair to say that SM is marketed towards the lower social classes. From those annoying credit card vendors and the place itself, all I wanted to do there was to get in, and get out as fast as I can.

This place was also the first time I experienced falling in line to get inside a mall. The hell? This is not just an ordinary line mind you, this was a line where they separate men from women. LMAO!!! Another thing that does not make sense. I smell an executive order coming.

You think this kind of shit is going to fly in the United States? Can you imagine how many lawsuits the management of SM would get from this? This was just funny.

But of course a trip to SM is never complete unless you get to the food court. When SM was I guess cool back in the day at least, I would never fail to stop by its food court specifically Sizzling Plate. Who would not love a plate of that sizzling porkchop with Java rice??? So there I was staring at that plate of porkchop while reminiscing of those days I would ask my mom for money to go to Makati (via Lovebus BF-Greenbelt route) to buy shoes at Mendrez, then whatever left over cash I had was spent to eat at Sizzling Plate!

MY NIECE, BEHIND HER IS SIZZLING PLATE!!

Although the meat looked smaller, (maybe I was bigger or I'm just used to having servings of American sized meat) it was the same as when I last had it. Hot, Sizzling and Good!!

Went back to SM to get some puto molds to bring back with me to the states then I hear their announcement that they were closing. Did not think much of it until I witness their closing procedure.

I do not know if Henry Sy is still a follower of Chairman Mao, but witnessing them close SM for the day makes you wonder if you were in Tiananmen Square.

Half of the employees were lined up towards the exits, reciting their closing creed. It was just like a flag ceremony, employees reciting the creed word for word. They were lined up like good soldiers while half of the employees were unfurling those white cloths used to cover merchandise in unison. It was like watching the closing ceremonies of the Olympic games. A sight to behold. There was precision, a well oiled choreographed dance! I guess if the Philippines manages to host an Olympic event anytime soon, the best people to hire for the job are SM people.

Look I used to work in retail (Nordstrom's) and I was trained in customer service, but it was never like this. This is bordering to the extreme. It is probably safe to assume that SM is the only retailer in the world who subjects its employees to this kind of madness. From the same type of makeup all their sales ladies wear, to the annoying and robotic "Good Morning Sir, Maam" and to their people who follow you in every inch of the store, now I know why my sister refuses to go there.

To their credit, their stuff is cheap, and really everything you would ever need is under one roof. Also, they provide a service to all Filipinos, no not jobs, but a big air conditioned place where people could cool off. Being in that kind of weather, having a place to cool off for free I guess is commendable enough.

Was happy to get out of SM, and after a futile attempt to go from SM Southmall to San Andres Bukid, (which we had to postpone because of you guessed it, traffic!) we went home.

WHY WOULD ANYONE EVEN GO OUT OF BF PARANAQUE IS A MYSTERY TO ME

When darkness fell, I thought of what I used to do as a kid when I was back in the Philippines. Oh yes, ISAW!! I did see a BBQ stall just a few blocks from our house, so I asked my sister if it was safe to eat there. I guess for people living there it was, but I guess she would not want to risk me suffering from Hepatitis A so she suggested to take me to a place called CENTRAL BBQ BOY.

The tricycle ride to Central showed me how much BF Paranaque has changed. Even Freddie Webb's old house was now a restaurant. I'd say 75% of the houses in Aguirre avenue were now all commercial establishments. I mean if I owned a house there I would move away too! Oh and of those 75% commercial establishments, 60% of them were Korean!!! What the heck? The Koreans have invaded! The Koreans have invaded!

So we get to Central Boy BBQ, and oh BOY did it rock my world. Shit, so this is where my peoples are at. Those people I was looking for the night before at Hard Rock were all here. Although they looked like high school students, the vibe was cool. Just what I was looking for, a place to slum without being in a slum. I guess this is the place where the conyos wants to be jologs. The music was pumping, it was loud (a little too loud for me I must admit) and the food was good. What beats a good ISAW without the threat of having diarrhea in the morning?

At around 1 am, we had to call it a night as we had to get ready for an early flight out of Manila. Where were we going? BORACAY BABY!!!

State Visit to Manila: Day 2

Manila, Philippines

When I got to the East coast for the first time, I wondered why do people even live there. It's just tooo colllld. I mean your life revolves around trying to cope with the biting cold weather.

Same thing goes for the Philippines.... how the heck do people manage to live there !!!! wow its freaking hot!!!

Then I spend the day at the Fort and Greenbelt.

EVEN THE ARMY HEADQUARTERS LOOKS COOL

WOW. Now this is great. I guess this is why people live in the Philippines or the world for that matter. This place is beautiful....no spectacular!!!

Getting out of BF, to get to Greenbelt, we hail a cab. And this is where we meet Allan. This dude is the nicest guy I have ever met.

HOME SWEET HOME

Again, he restores your faith in humankind. He is nice, honest, respectful. He is genuine. For all the bad rap taxi drivers in the Philippines get, he brings it back ten fold. As I write this I realized I forgot to take a picture of the dude, but if someone needs somebody to transport you all over Manila let me know and I'll give you his number. To illustrate how nice this guy was, at one point in my 8 days in Manila, he actually refused to take a tip as he said "sobra sobra na po ang binibigay nyong tip sa akin, metro na lang po ang bayaran nyo." I mean who does that?

I'LL TRADE A BAY AREA APARTMENT FOR A UNIT HERE ANYTIME, ANYDAY

He takes us from Paranaque to the Fort. Never been or seen the Fort ever, except when I was in elementary when we had a field trip to Fort Bonifacio. He said we need to see the Fort and boy was he right. Taguig is the shit. If Taguig was literally the shit, as in a piece of shit 15 years ago, now its the shit. It gives any modern city in the world a run for their money. Allan points out that the part of the development of the Fort should be attributed to the leadership of Jojo Binay. I really did not argue since I do not know for sure if it is true but if it is, Binay should be seriously considered for the Presidency.

LOOK AT WHAT I'VE MISSED

We go through Forbes Park (where I saw a lady driving the Philippine version of what I drive here in the states) and then after a few minutes, Greenbelt.

PINOY VERSION OF MY CAR (IN RED) IN FORBES PARK

Again. WOW.

It makes you wonder why can't this be replicated in most parts of the country. If they can do it here, you can certainly argue this can be done anywhere else. It's not even as massive as MOA. Greenbelt is just well designed and classy.

MAKES YOU WANNA SPEND MORE

Seems like 80 percent of people there looked like they have the capacity to buy whatever is there and not merely enjoying the airconditioning. Proves to you that bigger is not always better.

MY SEVEN JEANS AND PRADAS LIKE GREENBELT :)

Got a haircut at Piandre, pedicure at Tips and Toes, (where I snored my ass away) services at Let's Face It, (where I again snored myself to embarrassment) oh and in the middle of all of this I got to mention, had halo halo at Razon's.

When I was planning my trip to the Philippines, one of my plans was to go drive to Cavite and go to Digman's. I mean Digman's was the ultimate in Halo halo for me growing up. Until I had Razon's.

Razon's halo halo is like an experiment in chemistry. While I was enjoying every spoonful of refreshing goodness, I couldnt help but wonder WTF did they put in that glass. How can a halo halo which seems to lack in ingredients be that good. I ddnt see anything in it. But goddamn it it was good. Was it the ice? the milk? the leche flan? Razon's secret recipe is up there with KFC's 11 herbs and spices, and the recipe for Coca Cola.

After all of that, night falls and we go to where all the restaurants were at. It was a cavalcade of restaurants that every foodie must go. The possibilities are endless. From mediterranean, american, italian, it was like a United Nations restaurant trade show. Every food from every part of the globe was represented. After going up and down the area at least three times, we settled at Sentro, a restaurant whose house special was Sinigang Corned Beef!!!!

No, I wasnt feeling that adventurous so I skipped the Sinigang Corned Beef. Sinigang is my all time favorite dish and I just would not patronize any attempt of its bastardation. I'm sure its pretty good, but I'm gonna pass. Probably next time. Anyway, Sentro was pretty cool, the noise level was ok, you can still have a decent conversation while having your meal, although the group next to us were talking, err screaming at the top of their lungs making sure everyone would hear what they were talking about. (No, lady you do look like your 40 years old thank you very much.)

After dinner, walked around some more then decided to cap the night away at my favorite hang out in Makati 10 years ago, Hard Rock Cafe.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?

What a shocker. No one told me no one hung around Hard Rock anymore except for old white dudes with their prostitute girlfriends! If I was not too tired of walking around and if the band Freestyle was not there, I would've ran out of there as fast as I could. Was it the wrong day to chill there or has Hard Rock really gone downhill?

FREESTYLE: HARD ROCK'S SAVING GRACE

After Freestyle's first set and after I have downed my third beer, I had to call it a night. I just could not stand looking at these girls with these pervs anymore. Besides it was around 3am already. Time to text Allan.

Allan like clockwork, gets to Makati 20 minutes after my text. This dude just amazed me really. I ask him to take me to one last stop on my way home, the PAGCOR casino in Paranaque.

All I got to say about PAGCOR is it is old and dilapidated. A shame, beacuse all their slot machines are awesome! I mean who really wants to carry 3,000 pesos in PAGCOR coins around? have they ever heard of coinless playing? or cash tickets? The carpets smelled horrible. Probably the one in Paranaque are one of their older ones? Still if you do win, you forget all of that and all your concerned about is how to haul all your coins to the cage while maneuvering through the hangers on who wants balato!

After an hour and a few thousand pesos richer (which i did not mind after all the dough I threw at Greenbelt) Allan was back to take us home. It was 4am then and goddamn there was still traffic. Unfreakingbelievable. Hunger pangs sets in and asks driver to pull up at a Shakey's.

Ohhh how I miss Shakey's. Their Chick and Chips just brought back memories of lunch time in UST. Chick and Chips got me through my UST days, and it is still as good as ever. Did'nt care about the pizza, Chick and Chips was awesome! Best fastfood fried chicken in the world bar none. Popeye's is a close second though.

Got home at 5-6 something and was ready to call it a night. Or a day. Or whatever. Pretty productive day I must say. Makes me wonder how I managed to let 10 or so years pass and not be back.

Manila day I Part III

Air Force One
Somewhere in the Pacific

HNL-MNL

I have been thinking about this leg of the flight for the longest time. This is what has worried me the most. No, I have faith in pilots the world over. These people do an amazing job day in and day out.

What worried me the most was the passengers on the plane. A bunch of Filipinos in an enclosed space always seem to turn into a disaster. Hopefully this would be better right? Nothing will and can go wrong with this flight. Why? cause I said so thats why.

I HAVE ONE RULE WHEN FLYING. Never to check in anything...thus I have no balikbayan boxes. I want my crap to be with me at all times. Simple right?

As I haul my luggage onto the plane, a dude was shoving some luggage onto the overhead bin above where my seats where. Did not think anything of it until I found out I don't have space for mine. Just kept my cool, figured hey it does not look like a full flight, there should be ample space for me right?

As I search for space, my fellow passengers, being Pinoys as they are, just couldnt resist the urge to be epal, giving unsolicited advice to anyone who would give them the time of the day thus causing a commotion. I guess it is an innate thing for Pinoys to do, they always have a thing to say about anything, no matter how mundane it is.

But no...."Ay hindi yan kasya jan!" "try mo dito! dito!" In unison on the top of their lungs!!! ahhhhhhhh. First of all did I ask for your opinion? You think I can't figure it out myself? I guess if my luggage wont go in tht overhead bin, there's a good chance its not going to fit right? So shut up!

Then came the words Ive been dreading to hear: "Sir we have to check that in!" NO FUCKING WAY I said to myself. I in turn gave the dude who took my spot in the overhead bin the look I gave the last time I was in a fight in elementary school.

I wanted to strangle him and 10 other passengers at that point. If they were not acting like total epals, the FA would not even noticed me or my bag. My luggage shouldve been safe in an overhead bin, without the threat of it manhandled by baggage handlers or worse being lost.

I'm only spending 8 days in the Philippines, unlike all of these idiots who managed to haul all their otherwordly possessions in 5 boxes weighing 85 lbs each. they can aford to lose a box or two. I can't. My other hand carry only had shoes. What will I wear if gets lost? How am I going to retrieve the damn luggage.

As I attempted to throw a diva fit. I was reminded that YOU DO NOT WANT TO MESS WITH Flight Attendants. It's a fact. It is something that 9-11 brought about. FAs has police powers and they are not afraid to use it. So after saying "But I don't have any clothes in my handcarry!" I just sat down took a deep breath, and after the FA took my luggage away, said in a voice that everyone can hear: "You people better pray they won't lose my luggage."

So you can now imagine how stressful the 10 hour HNL-MNL flight was for me. Besides thinking about the possibility of my luggage being lost or worse stolen, I was already plotting what kind of pain to bring those who have oppressed me. The dude who stole my spot, and whoever owned the luggage he was storing it for.

As we land, of course not after the annoying round of applause you hear ONLY from trips overseas to Manila, I run outside to the carousel, not after shoving the lady whose bag the other dude shoved it for.

My bag! my bag! yes....there it was. It was not lost, thus reviving my faith on all baggage handlers worldwide.

In the tunnel, you are reminded right away that this is the Philippines. Muggy, sticky, hot. I guess kinda like sex. You probably don't care for it but you gotta have it. I tried to control my gag reflex because the last thing you want at that point is to be mistaken for someone who has the ah1n1 virus. I mean that could be the worse!

So I walk out the airport and as I grab a yellow cab (they charge 70 bucks flag down and 4.00 thereafter) again I take a deep breath and say to myself....Welcome to the Philippines!!

From the cab, I ask the driver to take me to BF Paranaque, my hometown. Thank god I did not rent a car. If before getting to Manila, I had some illusions of renting a car and driving home, that quickly dissapated. It takes a certain kind of person to be able to drive the streets of Manila. There are no rules, merely suggestions.

The streets look the same, but yet looks so much different. I recognize some of the places but there has been so much changes done in the last 15 years or so. The roadside ihaw ihaws, the craziness, all too familiar for me. The traffic though is a totally different story.

From now on, when I get stuck at the Bay Bridge for the morning commute, I shall never ever curse or blow my top ever again. Once you've experienced Philippine traffic you will be able to survive any kind of traffic anywhere in this world. Guaranteed.

Finally I get home. Not after spending 375 pesos on cab fare. (made it 500 even with tip. Just because I'm generous like that) By the way, the cab driver tried to pull a fast one on me by pretending to not know where BF Paranaque was. What kind of cab driver would not know where BF Paranaque is huh?

Surprised my nieces and nephews who had no clue I was coming. Shocked my sis. Great day, after a long journey, seeing the faces of all these people who are important to me makes this ardous trip worthwhile. I am back!

State Visit to Manila Day 1 Part II

June 18, 2009
Air Force One
State Visit to Manila
SFO to HNL

So I got the last seat. Its kinda like my old high school seat. By the exit right next to the trash can. I sat in that spot for three years, Im used to it, so I'm not complaining.

When I got to my seat the FA asked me if I wanted to switch seats with the guy infront of me since my companion got the middle seat infront of me, so i said yeah sure if he doesnt mind.....

Guess what happens next...

A. The guy says yes just because he's a nice guy and really THERE IS NO FUCKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHERE I'M SEATED AND WHERE HE IS.

B. The guy says yes but asks for 5 dollars to add to his duty free shopping money

Or..

C. The guy is going to be a dickwad and just say "um no im good here."

THIS GUY IS AN ASSHOLE

If you guessed C, you are absolutely correct. Asshole pulls rank and refuses to move. Honestly, I aint even pissed. Just the fact that we got into that flight was enough for me. I was just thinking what kind of reasoning is behind the refusal to move. I mean its not like he was already situated in his seat, everyone was still fixing whatever and shit like that but hey oh well. assholes are assholes right?

But before you lose hope in humanity, lo and behold at the 3 hour mark of the 6 hour flight
asshole looks at me and goes...wanna switch seats? What a surprise!!! so i said yes tapped him in his shoulders and sat my ass down.

Ok what the hell just happened? did the dude just had an epiphany? A realization that he really cant be an asshole for 6 hours? Ah! I'm giving him too much credit. Found out it was because of my girl bothering the heck out of him for 3 hours. nudging him, dislodging his elbow out of her arm rest, subtle yet effective.

Enjoyed the rest of the flight...ddnt really see anything since I was in the middle aisle and the stop there was so quick I was only able to have two quick puffs of my Marlboro mediums (in HNL you actually go outside from gate 29 to 31 although it is still non smoking but who cares right?) as I was walking towards the next gate. But from the 2.5 minutes I experienced breathing Honolulu air, I must say the weather was pretty awesome.

After a little random questioning by customs (How much money your bringing etc..none of your beeswax bitch! lol.) got on the HNL - MNL plane with absolutely no hitches..or so I thought.
(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines

17 June 2009

State Visit to Manila

17 June 2009
10:06 p.m. Pacific Standard Time
Air Force One
Somewhere over the Pacific.

Subject: State Visit to Manila (Day 1)

As I write this, no one in Manila knows that in about 5 hours I will be knocking at their door and hopefully join them for dinner. This is a total surprise. This is also the reason why I havent updated this blog. I hope to capture some of it on video, should be pretty cool unless someone back home spilled the beans on me. But before that, why dont we look at the hell I have to go through to even get to that point.

As a beneficiary, I can basically go to anywhere I want to go in this world inexpensively. Not free but inexpensively. Cool right? The catch? Be ready to be treated like a piece of shit in every check in counter in the world. Lets face it, they dont like standbys. Its extra work for them, youre that last piece of hurdle they have to go through before their work is done. If your sorry ass ddnt show up, they couldve gotten to wherever they wanted to go, or smoked that cigarette five minutes ago. But since you showed up, they have to stay there 5 minutes longer so there...feel their wrath...

We get to the check in counter at an ungodly hour of 5:45 am. I cant remember being up that early ever. Not for anything in this world. But I guess for a chance of a quick 8 day sortie to the Philippines for less than 350, sure why not. Last time I was there was six years ago anyway so I guess it is about time.

So there I was, in my Pradas, lining up with the rest of the balikbayan box carrying travellers of this world to get to Manila. Witnessing this first hand just reinforced my belief that no self respecting person should ever travel with a balikbayan box. I mean just the mere fact that you decided, by your own free will to put your belongings in a box....I repeat a box!!! says something aboout yourself. It doesnt even matter if that box contains a Louis Vuitton purse your aunt wanted you to get her...stuffing it in a balikbayan box just makes it no different from a Louie Biton purse. Its just not right.

By 6:45 am we get to talk to the agent who basically said something to the effect of: "Well the chances of you getting on the SFO to HNL flight are the same of you having sex with Megan Fox."
We had a few options. Go home and try again another day, take our chances out of San Jose, haul our asses in the rush hour commute of the San Francisco Bay Area to Sacramento for a better chance of getting on a plane to HNL or goddamn it stay in SFO and get laid with Megan.

Obviously we got on, but the wait was just excruciating. Oh by the way, God the creator of Heaven and earth...attention...I was just kidding when I was praying those Stevens would not answer those pages because they got into a little car accident. So God, I don't know what kind of sense of humor youve got but when we got on after no one responded to the page: PASSENGER STEVENS party of two, I had some chills down my spine. I do not take resonsibility for it. they probably just overslept.

So lesson of the day: Keep on trying, dont give up, balilkbayan boxes are embarassing, wear pradas for good luck and I'm gonna fuck Megan Fox!!!!!!!!

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines

Justice for Ruby

This would be one instance that I am veering away from my character and going into real person mode... to condemn the brutal murder of Ruby Barrameda.

I knew Ruby Rose personally. Her brother is a batch mate, her sister Rochelle was my best friend in High School's ex girlfriend. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and claim that I was probably one of the first one's to see Rochelle's potential as an actress as we ran in the same ticket in our high school student council. There were times that me and my best friend would take Rochelle to their house with little Ruby in tow to make sure both would get home safely.

I was shocked when I heard about the news. I first got a hold of Ruby's disappearance from Rochelle's friendster account around two years ago. I was hoping that Ruby just ran away from home, just a simple case of a girl leaving because of a misunderstanding. Sadly, as we all know by now this happened.

It just breaks my heart that a beautiful, sweet and young woman like Ruby would end up this way. No one, absolutely no one deserves to die this way.



To all politicians, law officers, people in government. SOMETHING MUST BE DONE ABOUT THIS. WAKE THE FUCK UP. I hope you guys show the same enthusiasm, vigor, and interest you've shown to the Hayden Kho video scandal on this case. Unlike the nonsense that is Haydengate where no one was killed, this was a gruesome murder. I HOPE YOU IDIOTS GET THAT.

And to all of us, let us all be vigilant, open our eyes and make sure the full extent of the law would come down to these motherfucking animals who did this heinous to Ruby. There is no place in this world for these animals.

To Ruby....may your soul rest in peace. HUSTISYA PARA KAY RUBY.

A Time of Crisis

Malacanan Palace
10 June 2009

Countrymen. Usually I figure stuff on my own. I am pretty good at it, finding solutions to problems that seem to go out of hand. But this, this thing that happened to me, I need help.

SOMEONE CHANGED MY EMAIL ADDRESS ON MY FRIENDSTER ACCOUNT. IT HAS BEEN HACKED.

Honestly, I don't care about the account. I'm on FACEBOOK anyway. But I'm just worried about what this asswipe would do. He could use this account to send messages to my friends, post malicious crap on my account etc. etc.

I'm probably just paranoid but what if this shit leads to other stuff that are 100000x more important? bank account information, emails...stuff like that.

Now I ask you...what can I do? Is there anything?

Please help.

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines

Executive Order No.7: Amending Voting Rights

Malacanan Palace
06 June 2009

SUBJECT: AMENDING VOTING RIGHTS

Elections. Voting. One of the most basic rights accorded by the constitution to every citizen. Despite its importance, voting rights are the most abused, trampled, given the finger to by both candidates and the electorate.

THIS MIGHT AS WELL BE CALLED A CASH BOX INSTEAD OF A BALLOT BOX

This executive order does not constitute a revision or an amendment on that kind of election. This is a tad more important than "that" kind of election. Besides everyone is too set in their ways to change their views, traditions and ways about elections. Too change it is moot.

This executive order constitutes a change on how all citizens vote on a more important kind of voting.....INTERNET VOTING.

Lets look at some of the more blatant abuses in voting in recent history.

MS. UNIVERSE MISS PHOTOGENIC 2005-2007



Thank God the organizers of the Ms Universe pageant stopped awarding the Ms Photogenic award, after realizing how many Filipinos have access to the internet. The first year it happened was cute, but three in a row? It was not only stupid, it was downright embarrassing. Who wants this award anyway? Personally I hate it when someone tells me I look good in pictures. So what, I'm not anything to look at in person? F U then!

AMERICAN IDOL JASMINE TRIAS


CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR....

Not much of a fan of American Idol. When it first came out I said that it was just gonna be a fad, flash in a pan show. Yeah right. It is still the most watched Television show in the world for seven years or so running. Only watched it the 1st season, this last season, (because of the annoying prodding of my 10 year old daughter) and the third season, The year two Pinoys cracked the TOP 12, Camile Velasco and Jasmine Trias.

I'm not saying Jasmine can't sing. She can. But really American Idol? Listen to this.. Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Jordin Sparks, Jasmine Trias..Say it again one more time..it just doesn't sound right. A sweet Pinay girl with a flower in her head, one that looks like she goes to church every Sunday, Trias captured the heart of every Pinoy mom accross the United States, enough for her to convince all of them that she is their little niece from Hawaii. And as we all know, you get into the good graces of Nanay, you have hit paydirt. The height of the Pinoy text vote mania hit an ultimate high when my mother ordered me to use my housephone and two of my other cellphones to vote for Jasmine, regardless if she can or cannot sing. Emotional blackmail, the threat of losing inheritance. Two of the ways a Pinoy mom can prod any child to do anything she wants one to do. Fortunately, in the end, justice was served and Fantasia Barrino won. For the record though, I did like Camile Velasco a 1000x more than Jasmine.




HIMALA CNN's Best Asia-Pacific Film of All Time.


AN EXCELLENT FILM. NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.

Two things I have in common with Boy Abunda. We both have the same birthday (10/29), and we both like Nora Aunor. His is borderline fanaticism, mine is probably just my eternal preference for the underdog. (and truth be told Nora is the ultimate underdog.) But this does not blind me enough to vote for Himala as the Best Asia-Pacific Film of All Time. OF ALL TIME! Not the Best Philippine Movie, (which I would not argue against) but of the whole Asia Pacific Region. Besting Seven Samurai (which I saw and I must say was really moving) and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon? (Oscar winner) wow!

We cannot blame this solely on Noranians who are dwindling in number, and whom I'm willing to bet half does not even own a computer or let alone use it. The blame goes to every single Filipino who seem to have this obsession to vote for every friggin online poll where there is something or someone about a Filipino.

Manny Pacquiao Time's 100 Most Influential


VERY INFLUENTIAL...IS THE GIRL UNDER THE INFLUENCE?

I do not know who the F is Christopher Poole or "Moot", Time Magazine's winner as the most influential person. With that, his selection makes this list totally insignificant. Somewhere in Armenia, someone would have said the same statement if Manny Pacquiao topped this list. see how stupid that might have sounded? Again, thank God we have criteria to thank for saving us from this potential embarrassment. Pacquiao, although getting the most number of online votes, managed to land in the 22nd spot due to other criteria which he most likely scored very poor. Again, this goes to show you that there is justice, even in the internet.

NEW SEVEN WONDERS OF THE WORLD: UNDERGROUND RIVER


I DO HOPE THIS WINS. REALLY.

Now this is something I can support. Although I have never been to the underground river, pictures do not lie. It is breathtaking. If it does win, I will not dispute it......only if it wins FAIRLY. I mean really, what satisfaction is there if this place wins because of 8 million Filipino internet users voting ten times each? Vote once and get out, and let the place's merits speak for itself.

SARAH GERONIMO: FHM 100 SEXIEST WOMEN IN THE WORLD


YOU GUYS ARE JUST FUCKIN SICK. SICK YOU HEAR?

I enjoy Sarah. She probably is not the prettiest out there, but you gotta admit the girl is entertaining. I have only seen four Filipino films in a movie theater in the United States, and two of them are her movies: You Changed My Life and A Very Special Love. In addition, I saw these films in arguably the most dilapidated, stinky, outdated, and sticky movie house in the state of California, that AMC theatre in the back of Stonestown Galleria in San Francisco. So pretty much, my admiration of Sarah has been established.

Then this. According to this article on pep.ph, Sarah Geronimo is in the running for being the Sexiest Woman in the World. Ok, there are probably two maybe kinds of people who would vote for Sarah as sexy: A person who is required to report his change of address to authorities every time he moves and is also not allowed to live within a 5 mile radius from an elementary school, or a sex starved juvenile.

I do understand that this is from FHM Philippines, NOT FHM U.S., so I'm not too pissed about it, knowing the sick nature of Filipinos. The thing I'm worried is if someone googles the keyword FHM Sexiest and sees Sarah that person might just hurl his computer outside his window. Anyone who sees Sarah as a sex object need to see a doctor right now. You guys heard of a certain Megan Fox? Jarah Mariano?

MEGAN AND JARAH ARE BOTH PISSED....YOU WOULDNT LIKE IT IF THEY WERE...

Look, I am a red blooded male like most of the FHM readers are but sorry. I just can't wrap my head around the thought that Sarah Geronimo is one of the 100 sexiest women in the world. Not at 101, 102, 178, 235. I just can't. Probably there's something wrong with me. Probably I'm not as sick as I think I am. Who's next Charice Pempengco???!!!!

And as proved by these injustices, there is a consistent pattern of voting irregularities that has remained unchecked. Therefore, I am amending voting rights accorded to all Filipinos for the observance of fairness, restraint and common sense whenever one feels the need to vote for a compatriot in a mindless online poll. This needs to be done. Megan and Jarah told me to do so. And to their will I surrender.

As the President of the greatest country in the universe, by the power vested in me, and by the power of grayskull, I hereby declare this executive order effective immediately.

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines
06 June 2009

More Goddamn Perverts

Malacanan Palace
5 June 2009

So I get ill and what do you know.....more perverts are coming out of the woodwork. Mga kampon ni Hayden. After him, comes Baron Geisler, then Aljur Abrenica (although this smells fishy) then this list. The list of the 209 perverts who gang raped and jizzed all over our Constitution. The ones voted to attempt and prolong GMA's term. Mga bastos. Hey at least Hayden and Katrina looked good. These perverts...... well

YOU ARE NOT ALONE BOY! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE STARTED

ABANTE, BIENVENIDO M. “BENNY” 6TH District Pandacan
ABLAN, ROQUE R. JR, Ilocos Norte, 1st District
AGBAYANI, VICTOR AGUEDO E. Pangasinan, 2nd District
AGYAO, MANUEL, S Kalinga Province
ALBANO (III), RODOLFO T. Isabela, 1st District
ALFELOR, FELIX R. JR. 4th District, Camarines Sur
ALMARIO, THELMA Z. Davao Oriental, 2nd District
ALVAREZ, ANTONIO C. Palawan 1st District
ALVAREZ, GENARO RAFAEL M. JR. Negros Occidental, 6th District
AMANTE, EDELMIRO A. Agusan Del Norte, 2nd District
AMATONG, ROMMEL C. Compostela Valley, 2nd District
ANGPING, MARIA ZENAIDA B. Manila, 3rd District
ANTONINO, RODOLFO W. Nueva Ecija, 4th District
APOSTOL, TRINIDAD G. Leyte, 2nd District
AQUINO, JOSE S. (II) 1st District Agusan del Norte
ARAGO, MARIA EVITA R. 3rd district, Laguna
ARBISON, A MUNIR M. Sulu 2nd District
ARENAS, MA. RACHEL J. Pangasinan, 3rd District
ARROYO, DIOSDADO M. Camarines Sur, 1st District
ARROYO, IGNACIO T. 5th district Negros Occidental
ARROYO, JUAN MIGUEL M. 2nd District of Pampanga
BAGATSING, AMADO S. Manila 5th district
BALINDONG, PANGALIAN M. Lanao del Sur, 2nd District
BARZAGA, ELPIDIO F. JR. Cavite, 2nd District
BAUTISTA, FRANKLIN P. Davao Del Sur, 2nd District
BELMONTE, VICENTE F. JR. Lanao del Norte, 1st District
BICHARA, AL FRANCIS C. Albay, 2nd District
BIRON, FERJENEL G. Iloilo, 4th District
BONDOC, ANNA YORK P. Pampanga 4th District
BONOAN-DAVID, MA. THERESA B. Manila, 4th District
BRAVO, NARCISO R. JR. Masbate, 1st District
BRIONES, NICANOR M. AGAP Party list
BUHAIN, EILEEN ERMITA Batangas, 1st District
BULUT, ELIAS C. JR. Apayao Lone District
CAGAS (IV), MARC DOUGLAS C. Davao Del Sur, 1st District
CAJAYON, MARY MITZI L. Caloocan, 2nd District
CAJES, ROBERTO C. Bohol, 2nd District
CARI, CARMEN L. Leyte, 5th District
CASTRO, FREDENIL H. Capiz, 2nd District
CELESTE, ARTHUR F. Pangasinan, 1st District
CERILLES, ANTONIO H. Zamboanga Del Sur, 2nd District
CHATTO, EDGARDO M. Bohol, 1st District
CHONG, GLENN A. Biliran, Lone District
CHUNG-LAO, SOLOMON R. Ifugao, Lone District
CLARETE, MARINA C. Misamis Occidental, 1st District
CODILLA, EUFROCINO M. SR. Leyte, 4th District
COJUANCO, MARK O. Pangasinan, 5th District
COQUILA, TEODULO M. Eastern Samar, Lone District
CRISOLOGO, VINCENT P. Quezon City, 1st District
CUA, JUNIE E. Quirino, Lone District
CUENCO, ANTONIO V. Cebu City, 2nd District
DANGWA, SAMUEL M. Benguet, Lone District
DATUMANONG, SIMEON A. Maguindanao, Lone District
Dayanghirang, Nelson L. Davao Oriental, 1st District
DAZA, NANETTE C. Quezon City, 4th District
DAZA, PAUL R. Northern Samar, 1st District
DE GUZMAN, DEL R. Marikina City, 2nd District
DEFENSOR, ARTHUR D. SR. Iloilo, 3rd District
DEFENSOR, MATIAS V. JR. Quezon City, 3rd District
DEL MAR, RAUL V. Cebu City, 1st District
DIASNES, CARLO OLIVER D. (MD) Batanes, Lone District
DIMAPORO, ABDULLAH D. Lanao Del Norte, 2nd District
DOMOGAN, MAURICIO G. Baguio, Lone District
DUAVIT, MICHAEL JOHN R. Rizal, 1st District
DUENAS, HENRY M. JR. Taguig, 2nd District (2nd Councilor District)
DUMARPA, FAYSAH MRP. Lanao del Sur, 1st District
DUMPIT, THOMAS L. JR. La Union, 2nd District
DURANO (IV), RAMON H. 5th District, Cebu
ECLEO, GLENDA B. Dinagat Islands, Lone District
EMANO, YEVGENY VICENTE B. Misamis Oriental, 2nd District
ENVERGA, WILFRIDO MARK M. Quezon, 1st District
ESTRELLA, CONRADO M. (III) Pangasinan, 6th District
ESTRELLA, ROBERT RAYMUND M. ABONO Party List
FERRER, JEFFREY P. Negros Occidental, 4th District
GARAY, FLORENCIO C. Surigao Del Sur, 2nd District
GARCIA, ALBERT S. Bataan, 2nd District.
GARCIA, PABLO JOHN F. Cebu, 3rd District
GARCIA, PABLO P. Cebu, 2nd District
GARCIA, VINCENT J. Davao City, 2nd District
GARIN, JANETTE L. Iloilo, 1st District
GATCHALIAN, REXLON T. Valenzuela City, 1st District
GATLABAYAN, ANGELITO C. Antipolo City, 2nd District
GO, ARNULFO F. Sultan Kudarat, 2nd District
GONZALES, AURELIO D. JR. Pampanga 3rd District
GONZALES, RAUL T. JR. Iloilo City
GULLAS, EDUARDO R. Cebu, 1st District
GUNIGUNDO, MAGTANGGOL T. Valenzuela City 2nd District
HOFER, DULCE ANN K. Zamboanga Sibugay, 2nd District
JAAFAR, NUR G. Tawi-Tawi, Lone District
JALA, ADAM RELSON L. Bohol, 3rd District
JALOSJOS, CESAR G. Zamboanga del Norte, 3rd District
JALOSJOS-CARREON, CECILIA G. Zamboanga del Norte, 1st District
JIKIRI, YUSOP H. Sulu, 1st District
KHO, ANTONIO T. Masbate, 2nd District
LABADLABAD, ROSENDO S. Zamboanga del Norte, 2nd District
LACSON, JOSE CARLOS V. Negros Occidental, 3rd District
LAGDAMEO, ANTONIO F. JR. Davao del Norte, 2nd District
LAPUS, JECI A. Tarlac, 3rd District
LAZATIN, CARMELO F. Pampanga, 1st District
LIM, RENO G. Albay, 3rd District
LOPEZ, JAIME C. Manila, 2nd District
MADRONA, ELEANORA JESUS F. Romblon, Lone District
MAGSAYSAY, MARIA MILAGROS H. Zambales, 1st District
MALAPITAN, OSCAR G. Caloocan, 1st District
MAMBA, MANUEL N. Cagayan, 3rd District
MANGUDADATU, DATU PAKUNG S. Sultan Kudarat,
MARANON, ALFREDO D. III Negros Occidental, 2nd District
MATUGAS, FRANCISCO T. Surigao del Norte, 1st District
MENDOZA, MARK LEANDRO L. Batangas, 4th District
MERCADO, ROGER G. Southern Leyte, Lone District
MIRAFLORES, FLORENCIO T. Aklan, Lone District
NAVA, JOAQUIN CARLOS RAHMAN A. (MD) Guimaras, Lone District
NICOLAS, REYLINA G. Bulacan, 4th District
NOGRALES, PROSPERO C. Davao City, 1st District
OLAñO, ARREL R. Davao Del Norte, 1st District
ONG, EMIL L. Northern Samar, 2nd District
ORTEGA, VICTOR FRANCISCO C. La Union, 1st District
PABLO, ERNESTO C. APEC Party List
PANCHO, PEDRO M. Bulacan, 2nd District
PANCRUDO, CANDIDO P. JR. Bukidnon, 1st District
PICHAY, PHILIP A. Surigao Del Sur, 1st District
PIñOL, BERNARDO F. JR. North Cotabato, 2nd District
PUNO, ROBERTO V. Antipolo City, 1st District
RAMIRO, HERMINIA M. Misamis Occidental, 2nd District
REMULLA, JESUS CRISPIN C. Cavite, 3rd District
REYES, CARMELITA O. Marinduque, Lone District
REYES, VICTORIA H. Batangas, 3rd District
ROBES, ARTURO G. San Jose Del Monte City, Lone District
Rodriguez-Zaldarriaga, Adelina Rizal, 2nd District
ROMAN, HERMINIA B. Bataan, 1st District
ROMARATE, GUILLERMO A. JR. Surigao del Norte, 2nd District
ROMUALDEZ, FERDINAND MARTIN G. Leyte, 1st District
ROMUALDO, PEDRO Camiguin, Lone District
ROMULO, ROMAN T. Pasig City, Lone District
ROXAS, JOSE ANTONIO F. Pasay City
SALIMBANGON, BENHUR L. Cebu, 4th District
SALVACION JR., ANDRES D. Leyte, 3rd District
SAN LUIS, EDGAR S. Laguna, 4th District
SANDOVAL, ALVIN S. Malabon-Navotas, Lone District
SANTIAGO, JOSEPH A. Catanduanes, Lone District
SANTIAGO, NARCISO D. (III) ARC Party List
SEACHON-LANETE, RIZALINA L. 3rd district of Masbate
SEARES-LUNA, CECILIA M. Abra, Lone District
SILVERIO, LORNA C. Bulacan, 3rd District
SINGSON, ERIC D. Ilocos Sur, 2nd District
SINGSON, RONALD V. Ilocos Sur, 1st District
SOLIS, JOSE G. Sorsogon, 2nd District
SOON-RUIZ, NERISSA CORAZON Cebu, 6th District
SUAREZ, DANILO E. Quezon, 3rd District
SUSANO, MARY ANN L. Quezon City, 2nd District
SY-ALVARADO, MA. VICTORIA R. Bulacan, 1st District
SYJUCO, JUDY J. 2nd Dsitrict, Iloilo
TALINO-MENDOZA, EMMYLOU J. North Cotabato, 1st District
TAN, SHAREE ANN T. Samar, 2nd District
TEODORO, MARCELINO R. Marikina City, 1st District
TEODORO, MONICA LOUISSE PRIETO Tarlac, 1st District
TEVES, PRYDE HENRY A. Negros Oriental, 3rd District
TUPAS, NEIL C. JR. Iloilo, 5th District
UNGAB, ISIDRO T. Davao City, 3rd District
UY, EDWIN C. Isabela, 2nd District
UY, REYNALDO S. Samar, 1st District
UY, ROLANDO A. Cagayan De Oro City, Lone District
VALDEZ, EDGAR L. APEC Party List
VALENCIA, RODOLFO G. Oriental Mindoro, 1st District
VARGAS, FLORENCIO L. Cagayan, 2nd District
VILLAFUERTE, LUIS R. Camarines Sur, 2nd District
VILLAROSA, MA. AMELITA C. Occidental Mindoro, Lone District
VIOLAGO, JOSEPH GILBERT F. Nueva Ecija, 2nd District
YAP, JOSE V. Tarlac, 2nd District
YU, VICTOR J. Zamboanga Del Sur, 1st District
ZAMORA, MANUEL E. 1st District, Compostela Valley
ZIALCITA, EDUARDO C. Parañaque, 1st District

Remember these perverts....remember them.