Spoiler Alert: Tayong Dalawa Grand Finale Revealed

24 September 2009
Malacanan Palace

The most anticipated teleserye ending in recent years has come. Tonight, Friday is the last telecast of the epic, non ending drama Tayong Dalawa. The show has consistently rated pretty well for ABS CBN, even topping the ratings game in the coveted Mega Manila in a few occassions.

The premise is pretty simple, the classic teleserye formula followed by all of its predecessors: love triangle, family conflict, betrayal, murder, deceit, violence, etc. You know stuff the ordinary pinoy can relate to. Thats why it is no secret that this show has commanded a strong following in the Philippines and most specially the bored TFC subscribers all over the world.

So it should not be a surprise to anyone that tonight being its final episode, everyone is wondering what is going to happen to the story. How is this epic going to end.

Leave it up to me to find out.

So Audrey dies, big freaking deal. You did'nt see that happening? How can a stick figure of a woman like a Kim Chiu can bear a child? She barely weighs 55 pounds. That alone should've been a give away to all of you. The child ate all of Audrey's insides, all her nutrients, which caused her death, plain and simple. So in that sense, the writers are only following what science would tell us if it did happen in real life. Kudos to the writers for researching and actually following what would scientifically happen if a person like Kim Chiu ever gets pregnant.

So now that Audrey is out of the picture it makes it easy for the writers to focus on the remaining characters in the story since as I have pointed out in previous entries, and as all of you who watches it regularly already know they have all died. And for those who has lost count let me recap the casualties of this program.

MYLENE DIZON - DEAD
DAVID GARCIA SR. - DEAD
JIRO MANIO - DEAD
HELEN GAMBOA - DEAD
ALESSANDRA DE ROSSI - DEAD
GINA PARENO - DEAD
KIM CHIU - DEAD

Now I'm not sure what happened to Robert Arevalo's character but he probably is already dead. Same as that girl who plays Kim Chiu's best friend, the girl who I'm not sure if she has a lisp, or mali-mali, or both. I mean if she is still alive, I will make sure she joins Audrey.

So you guys see a pattern here? The writers obviously enjoy death. I have never seen a show with that many deaths in a single program. I do understand why though, and it boils down to onw thing: ECONOMICS. It is cheaper to kill a character, and you can use the same props over and over again. Same coffin, same lights, crucifix, rosary, the whole nine yards.

Having said that, this is what is going to happen. They will stay true to the show's title: TAYONG DALAWA. And since Audrey is dead, naturally Gerald has absolutely no one to say the words tayong dalawa to. So what happens? And from a leakage direct from one of the assistant to the assistant writers of the show, here is the tragic end to the story.

JR dies....

A violent death.....

same as Marlene, Ramon, Tita, Lola Lily and Ula.

On their way to the warehouse, Tita, Lola Lily and Ula dies as their vehicle, driven by Lola Lily swerves and careens off a cliff, killing all three of them. Then in the last confrontation scene with JR, Ramon, Dave and Marlene, after they all deliver their melodramatic dialogues, Marlene played by Cherrie Pie Picache accidentally sits on a bomb as she tries to move her fat ass away from the bullets fired by all of her sons. As the bomb explodes, the camera shows dismembered body parts of Ramon, JR and Marlene.

And from the smoke Dave rises.

PAKAMOT MO KAY INGRID, DAVE

As he struggles to collect all the scattered body parts of all his family members, and as he tries to come to terms with his emotions, from the left side we hear some clicking of heels....

Enter Ingrid...

Lady in red, with eyes enough to make you sweat, topless.....

MAMA......

The theme of Tayong Dalawa by Gary Valenciano blaring in the background Dave looks at Ingrid and says......

"Mama.....anong ginagawa mo dito? Patay na silang lahat....Nag iisa na ako...."

And to which Ingrid says:

"Hindi Dave, andito pa ako, angkinin mo ako.....TAYONG DALAWA"

Then as any warm blooded mammal would do, Dave who first practiced incest when he put the moves on his brother's GF Audrey, proceeded to satisfy his incestuous urges towards Ingrid, his adoptive mom. And as the camera pans up and down Ingrid's naked body.....the show ends.

Then credits roll, then bloopers. The end.

So there you have it folks, the ending to Tayong Dalawa. After wasting 9 months of your life, hopefully this ending would be one to satisfy everyones curiosity.

(Sgd.) President of the Philippines