UPDATE: Check the front page for the latest Hayden sexcapades
From the President's desk
I feel so unsure, As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor. As the music dies... Something in your eyes, Calls to mind a silver screen, And all those sad goodbyes.
Chorus I'm never gonna dance again, Guilty feet have got no rhythm. (uhuh you got that right) Though its easy to pretend, I know youre not a fool. (dunno about that buddy..)
I should have no better than to cheat afriend (ehem) And waste the chance that Id been given. So I'm never gonna dance again, The way I danced with you. Chorus
Time can never mend, The careless whispers of a good friend. To the heart and mind, If your answers kind... Theres no comfort in the truth, Pain is all youll find.
Repeat chorus
What am I without your love?
Tonite the music seems so loud, I wish that we could lose the crowd. Maybe its better this way, Wed hurt each other with the things we want to say.
We could have been so good together, We could have made this last forever... But now, whos gonna dance with me? Please stay. (alternatively): And now its never gonna be That way...
Repeat chorus
Now that youre gone... Now that youre gone... Now that youre gone... Was what I did so wrong? So wrong that you had to leave me alone?
a few points
- Ms. Halili, from that vantage point is...hot - Dr. Kho, lose the bandana shut your trap and don't sing
May 2009. A year from now we are going to elect the next President of this country, the next would be savior from a long list of failures who all tried to save us from the depths of despair, but to no avail.
Today up until the 2010 elections, will be the beginning of the first part of many wherein we profile all the presidentiables, everyone who has the audacity to replace me as President of the Philippines.We are all going to get a closer look at the candidates, and with this information hopefully it would enable us to make an informed decision if and when of course the elections of 2010 would come about.
(first of many many parts ang dami kasing tatakbo)
Manuel "Manny" Villar "Mr. Sipag at Tiyaga" Party Affiliation: Nacionalista Hometown: Las Pinas City Current Position: Senator Born: December 13, 1949 University of the Philippines Bachelor of Arts in Business Administration Odds of Winning the Presidency: 1-50 www.mannyvillar.com.ph
The former Senate President has made it known for quite somehow of his interest to run for the highest office of the land and everyone including his rivals has taken notice of it. The Las Pinero is currently embroiled in a Senate investigation (headed by another presidentiable Ping Lacson) regarding a double entry in the national budget for the C5 road extension in his bailiwick Las Pinas City.
A self made man, Villar made money when he started one of the biggest developers in the Philippines, Camella and Palmera Homes. He is currently ranked 5th richest Filipino by Forbes Magazine.
What's going for him: Well the dude has one of the most important components in running for the presidency: MOOLAH. The guy is going to spend ridiculous amounts of it, no matter if the water runs dry in Camella Homes. Having money and being a successful businessman, there is also that perception that he would not steal money from the coffers of the government since he has too much of it already.
He does have some mass appeal, attributed perhaps for being someone who rose from the common folk to one of the most successful businessmen in the country. Also, his use of Tagalog perhaps endears him to many.
The revitalization of the Nacionalista Party is also a good move as it gives legitimacy to his campaign, instead of running under a party that is hastily made with a stupid acronym, just like what is common during elections.
What would hurt him: A indictment because of the c5 controversy. He needs to get out of this investigation quickly as his opponents will surely capitalize and drag this as long as possible. He also needs to get his spin doctors ready if and when this happens. Also, a complaint of a homeowner from Camella might be detrimental during these times so he needs to make sure that there is water in the subdivision at all times.
Would win if: He shows more of her super cute daughter Camille, and land a big endorsement from one of the country's superstars. We need to see that the future occupants of Malacanang would be at least pleasant looking, one that it's current occupants surely can't claim.
CUTIE FUTURE FIRST DAUGHTER
He also needs to remain relevant in the public's eyes. A nice one on one interview with a talk show would only prove beneficial as he does lack a little bit in the charm department. He needs to start polishing his singing skills as well. Also needs an updated haircut as his hair bothers the hell out of me. He needs to start picking up the pace and create buildup into the campaign season. A big housing give away wouldnt hurt either. (I'll take a condo unit please thank you very much)
Villar has more than a fighter's chance to win the presidency. Money is indeed a great ally in the quest for Malacanang. As attractive as the presidency is, the VP post is one that he could also look at just to complete his license plate collection being a congressman (8), Senator (7), Speaker of the House (4), and Senate President (3).
Being president I have mastered the art of communicating with different heads of states without offending them. It is really important for us world leaders to follow a certain decorum to prevent disagreements which as history has shown could lead to catastrophic circumstances.
WHEREAS, As president I feel that it is my duty to help all citizens learn this said art to prevent misunderstandings between people. Harmony and peace are integral parts of a happy society, since we all know that a happy society is a productive society.
WHEREAS, Technology has come a long way and with this, one of it's biggest beneficiaries is the improvements on how we communicate with each other. From the telephone, your party line, phone pal, crossline (one number that you call where 50 other people are talking simultaneously) pocketbell, to easy call to beeper 150 (which I used to steal from my mom and ask my sister to leave me a message so the pager would beep just at the precise moment when I'm about to board the jeep that takes me from the central station to Espana) to cellphones and now to IM, email, text and skype, we have seen its evolution.
Effective immediately, I the President of the greatest country in the universe, and by the power of grayskull hereby order:
Section 1: When on the phone, No one should ever ask the question: "Anongginagawa mo?"ummm hello? I kinda knew you're not well put together but this just confirms it. What would you like me to say? Oh nothing I'm just trying to find the cure to cancer. And you know what makes it worse? When after giving the most preposterous of answers to the anongginagawa mo, you respond with "Ahhhh...ganunba" like you actually believe what I told you is even possible. Look, if you really don't have anything to say, you shouldn't be wasting both of our cell minutes. Ask about the dog, the job, something...just don't ask me what the heck I'm doing when you know exactly what I'm doing.
"HELLO ANONGGINAGAWA MO?...." "ETOKAUSAPKA, ME PHONE BOOTH SA ULO"
"AHHHH...."
Section 2: Yahoo instant messaging is free, therefore there is no reason for anyone to use text language when using said service. You don't pay per word nor per send and you still find a way to shorten words that you shouldn't even shorten? It's either you're lazy, stupid or both. Oh and ladies if someone im's you "MIS NA U" you should start thinking of blocking this person from your friends' list. If all he can muster is a shortened version of I miss you (which only consists of eight letters) and expects to get laid, that is a big red flag right there. Besides, it just looks stupid. A poor excuse for someone who can't spell!
Section 3: When greeting someone you have'nt seen for a while, the last thing you should ever say would be: "Huytumatabaka a!" These are fighting words. Very dangerous words. It is not only condescending, it is disrespectful. Therefore, murdering, mauling or maiming anyone who says this to you is permissible without fear of repercussion from the law.
"TUMATABAKA A..." "SALAMAT HA .. MAMAMATAYKA DIN"
Your intention probably is good and all but there is no effing way you should say this to anyone. As far as I know us Filipinos are the only ones who ever use this greeting in the entire world. I mean can you imagine saying this to an American co worker? to a Japanese? And how the heck do you expect to respond to that? Are you supposed to thank the person who noticed that you are gaining some poundage? Great, thanks for telling me! What positive reinforcement ! You do know we have mirrors at the house right?...and you do know i have been trying to lose weight for about seven years now...thanks bitch!
Section 4: Espionage is a felony and it is espionage when you ask someone the question: "Saankapupunta?"Ok first of all, it is none of your freakin business. Second of all, if I wanted you to know where I was going I would've asked you to go with me. Third of all, what is it to you?
"SAAN KAYA SYA PUPUNTA?"
For now, these are few rules to go by when communicating with each other. Hopefully with these guidelines, it would foster camaraderie between all Filipinos, which would be the key for world peace.
(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines 07 May 2009
SUBJECT: A SET OF GUIDELINES TO ENSURE THE WATCHABILITY OF TV SHOWS
IS THERE REALLY A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO?
WHEREAS, My Administration is committed to ensuring that every Filipino, all things bright and beautiful, all creatures big and small, all things bright and wonderful, especially in the television industry will be given the opportunity to earn money in these hard economic times.
WHEREAS, The public must be able to enjoy quality musical entertainment specially on a Sunday. Ideally as President I would love to see families go outside and have fun, but I do understand the difficulty in might bring. Since public TV viewing is a public issue, effective immediately:
SECTION 1: No production number should have performers more than five unless its a full orchestra or is a reproduction of a stage play. Under no circumstances that a Filipino would need to listen to three or four hosts mouthing the names of the performers Kim, Gerald, Matt, Melissa, the ASF dancers, (I'm totally lost at this point) Echo, Karylle, (hingal*) the G Force, the Bayanihan dancers, Billy, Nikki, Shaina, Some dude, (are you guys still counting?) Aling Patring, Mang Isko.........I MEAN WHAT THE HELL! Why not include the whole band? Are they not special enough for you? How about the poor soul that mopped the floor before you guys started this madness? I see....they are not stars. And what makes you think you guys are? Also, hey Jed Madela...really how old are you?
SECTION 2: Cameras should not twist, turn, go upside down or juggle when trying to capture a dance number. Viewers should not be needing to take Bonamine to be able to watch TV. It is hard enough for us to focus on center stage let alone trying to watch 10 people trying to dance at the same time. If we wanted to be dizzy, we would have opted to go ride a roller coaster instead or watched the Blair Witch Project.
THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE WATCHING THEIR CAMERA ANGLES
Oh and unless Mickey Perz manages to lose 30 pounds or magically or surgically transfers his upper body to someone else's he has no business dancing on TV. The first time I saw him, I asked the staff to check my HDTV settings if there's anything wrong with my TV. Watching him is like watching an unfunny version of Chris Farley.
PATRICK SWAYZE WITH MICKEY PERZ ..err CHRIS FARLEY
Section 3: screaming, yelling and histrionics will no longer be allowed while singing. That's why its called singing, not screaming on the top of your lungs. And who is to blame for all of these? The one that started it all...the one...the only...the SCREAMIN SONGBIRD OF ASIA "I'm Regine Freaking Velasquez"
"IM A AM A DI-DI-VA"
Reg, I ain't mad at you. For reals. I gotta give you props for everything you've accomplished. From a skinny, unrefined barrio lass from Bulacan to the ultimate diva of Philippine showbusiness. That is not too shabby I must say.
Look, I get it. We get it. Your vocal range is stuff of legends. You can sing, you wouldn't be where you are right now if you can't right? But to scream on the top of your lungs......every waking hour of the day????? Like every song?
You just don't know how many times I would scream "Ano ba yang hiyawan ng hiyawan dito! Natutulog ang tao e!" Only to find out that no one in the palace was screaming, instead it was you onTV. I mean in one instance, I thought it was the Cabinet screaming because we were being attacked by East Timor. I could have declared war on them for crying out loud. waking up to your singing is hazardous to any one's health, all the more for the highest official of the land.
THIS COULD HAVE HAPPENED
Every aspiring singer in this country looks up to you. Fame, fortune. Who wouldn't want that? In you, every parent saw the potential of their kids (talented or not) to be their ticket out of poverty. Countless of kids being drowned in drums of water, emulating what Tatay Gerry did to you when you were a kid. But look at what you've done to all of them. Three year olds whom has barely developed their body parts let alone their vocal chords trying to reach high notes, comparable to when Tarzan screams in the jungle?
It's not even singing anymore, it's screaming plain and simple. Have you ever heard of the word OVERKILL? So just relax, enjoy the song....and sing please. Oh and yeah by the way Sheryn Regis....don't even try...ugh! That goes for you too Jonalyn Viray. Try joining the church choir.
SPARE US FROM THESE TWO PLEASE
SECTION 4: REHEARSE for the love of God! Is that too much to ask? You have a whole week to learn a dance or a song, you get paid good money and still many of these performers butcher it like it was just given to them a day before. I can even tolerate a few off keys here and there but to forget the lyrics of a song your paid to sing? You just gotta be kidding me.
SECTION 5: Let singers sing and dancers dance. Aside from the occasional Gary V or Sarah Geronimo, (barely) singers who are paid to sing and dancers who are asked to dance should stick to their expertise. You wouldn't want a plumber to do bypass surgery on you right? And what happens to those who can't do either and still manages to be on either Sunday show? Either quit or stick to reading ads for Tamayo's catering or Waffle time.
CATERING BY WAFFLE TIME
And unless you consider one who sounds like a werewolf howling, or one whose balls are being squeezed the living daylights out of as singing, SAM MILBY is not a singer.
REALLY NOW?
I am fully aware that as the commander in chief I shouldn't be wasting my time watching these TV shows they brand as entertainment but I have to admit, my childhood was spent being tortured by Kuya germs' GMA Supershow so it is what it is. If you really look at it, Sunday variety shows are a part of the nation's psyche, a part of Filipiniana. There is nothing more Filipino than having lunch while Janno, or Martin or Ogie are singing in the background.
THE BELLESTAAAAAAAR DAANNNCEEERRRRSS!!
So I, the president of the greatest country in the universe, by the powers vested in me, and by the power of grayskull order these guidelines valid effective immediately.
My beloved countrymen, first of all I would like to congratulate Manny Pacquiao in beating the shit out of that drunk bum we all know as Ricky Hatton. What the heck I did not even finish my plate of pansit and Hatton clocks out already? What a pansy.
Being the leader of this country I am fully aware that there is really nothing for us to cheer about, but for a few minutes during a Pacman fight, we can pretend that we matter somehow even if we have absolutely nothing to do with Manny's victory. And that performance is reason enough to hold our heads up high.
"HUMIRAM KA NG MUKHA SA ASO!!!"
This victory only goes to show that indeed steamed rice and ginisang sardinas is much better than fish and chips or whatever the hell them Brits eat to get nourishment. I have to admit though that Queen Eliabeth is the coolest woman world leader I have ever met, Simon Cowell is a God, and yes, I'm taking Tom Jones over Martin Nievera any day of the week including holidays. Other than that, Filipinos > British.
TOM JONES "PWNES" MARTIN NIEVERA
I call on all members of congress, government officials including all appointees which of whom all used government funds to watch the Pacquiao fight to make a side trip to either Spain or Mexico and never to return to the country ever.
THERE IS SOMETHING SPECIAL AWAITING YOU IN THESE COUNTRIES
Not to be a party pooper but let me also take this opportunity to rectify statements made by our police force about the country with a zero crime rate whenever Pacquiao has a fight. Mga kababayan, this is balderdash.
This statement is dangerous and irresponsible. the last thing I want is for people to have a false sense of security, thinking that all that is evil goes away when Manny is busy trying to reconfigure someone else's face.
For starters, piracy, a felony and punishable by fine and imprisonment, is at an all time high during Manny's fights. Millions of our countrymen go against the teachings of our catholic faith by stealing cable signals, and watching internet feeds for free. These despicable acts causes the government millions of pesos in lost revenue from legitimate businesses who pays taxes to the government.
Gambling. One that destroys the moral fiber of our country, a horrible vice and specially disastrous for those stupid enough to bet against Manny.
THANK YOU SUCKAS!!
The use of jumpers to steal electricity. Not only this is illegal, it is also dangerous. There was a report out of Tondo that a certain Agapito Dausdos fried his brains out and died yesterday from electrocution. Buti nga sa yo.
A DISASTER WAITING TO HAPPEN
Viewing parties also encourage gluttony, (one of the seven deadly sins), "to eat and run", (not a crime per se but a deplorable act no self respective person should ever do) public intoxication, and the proliferation of PGs or patay gutoms.
YEHEY PANALO SI MANNY!!
Unfortunately my people, there is no such thing as a zero crime rate in this country of ours. There are still, and will always be kawatans amongst all of us, and sadly it is a Manny Pacquiao fight that brings all of these to the surface.
With that being said, again Manny congrats. I'm not one to talk to much on affairs I'm not involved in, or make "sipsip" to you, I'll let Governor Chavit Singson do all the sipsipan like no one can. Besides, a teenie weenie part of me was hoping you'd lose only because the more you win, the likelihood of you replacing me as President seems inevitable.
"GOV, TOTOO BANG PWIDI NA AKONG MAG PRISIDINTI?"
But in the end, the boxing fan in me was able to set personal gain aside and root for you to beat the living daylights out of Hatton. Also, who would want to ruin Nanay Dionesia's first visit to the United States? So Nanay after all the fanfare, make sure ask someone to drive you to the outlet store by the rent a car building there in Vegas before you come home to buy all those pasalubongs for everyone waiting for you in Gensan.
WELCOME TO THE ISTEYTS MOMMY! PABILI MO NA TO KE MANNY!
So again Manny, Mabuhay ka, at Mabuhay tayong lahat. Hurry home because I know millions of our kababayans are waiting for you and I'm pretty sure Sec. Lito Atienza is preparing your parade float as we speak....
(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines 03 May, 2009 Manila, Philippines
PRESIDENTIAL ORDER OF MERIT Malacanan Palace, Manila 02 May 2009
PRESIDENTIAL ORDER OF MERIT AWARDEE OF 2009 BUBOY FERNANDEZ
In the occasion of the PacquiaoHatton fight on May 02, 2009 this Presidential Order of Merit is hereby presented to Mr. Buboy Fernandez for his exemplary work in the field of boxing. The order of Merit is one of the highest individual honors that can be bestowed to any civilian and Mr. Fernandez through years of perseverance, hard work and being Manny's personal utouto has shown that he will stop at nothing to ensure that the peoples champ would be the best fighter he can possibly be.
More than being a quasi trainer to the pound for pound king, Fernandez' contribution to the success of Manny is being the official ego booster bar none. When Manny wonders if he is indeed good looking , the ever trusted Buboy is there with his answer: "John Lloyd ikawbayan?" or when the champion asks Buboy if he needs an interpreter for television interviews, leave it to Buboy to say "Manny, parang born ka dito sa states a?"
SI BUBOY PALA ANG TYPE MO HA...
You've always been there for Manny, through thick or thin. I wouldn't be surprised if you told Jinkee that you not Manny was the one who got involved with Ara Mina.
Who answers the call when fans who cant get close to Manny decide to take your picture instead even if they have no clue who you are so they have proof that they were in Vegas too? that's you Buboy.
"BAY THANK YOU SA LONG SLEEVES BAY"
You are the Scottie Pippen..no the ToniKukoc..um no the SteveKerr to Manny'sJordan, the Wally Bayola to Manny's VicSotto, the Bernard Palanca to Manny'sPiolo,... you get the point.
SPEAK ENGLISH FREDDIE C'MON!!
Who cares if Manny never listens to your advice during fights. even if Manny can't hear you when you tell him "alistolang bay" we hear you Buboy, we do. besides, Manny never listens to Freddie Roach either. not that he doesn't want to but he cant understand every freaking word that comes out of Roach's mouth!
I look forward to seeing you in a barong in the halls of congress when I meet with Congressman Pacquiao in a year or two from now. i know you will do an excellent job in advising Manny on what the hell is he going to do in the house of representatives. just bring the same enthusiasm you exude and I'm pretty sure Manny will be one of the best lawmakers the Philippines would ever have. c'mon he can't do any worse than LitoLapid can he?
For your undying loyalty to the Philippines' pride, being the pound-for-pound freeloader, angpambansangalalay....
I the President of the greatest country in the whole wide universe, by the powers of grayskullbestow upon you the Presidential Order of Merit this 1st day of may 2009 near the gates of Malacanang, Manila Philippines.
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