Presidential Report: Bong Revilla's Perversity? Nude Photos All Over The Internet

Malacanan Palace
22 May 2009

Well, well, well. Lookie here! after calling Hayden Kho a "maniac" and a "pervert of the highest kind", and suddenly becoming the hero of oppressed women from here to Timbuktu, (which probably does not include wives suffering from their philandering husbands wink* wink*) the good senator from Cavite is now embroiled in a scandal of his own. Reports are now starting to circulate in cyberspace that Senator Revilla's nude (gasp*) photos are now all over the internet.

TALAGANG KAKILA KILABOT!!

According to a report of ABS-CBN news said photos were taken from the movie Kilabot at Kembot which he co starred with Assunta de Rossi.

So if Hayden is a pervert of the highest kind, (like super pervert to the max) is it safe to say that the Senator is a pervert of a lesser degree? In other words where does Senator Revilla rank in lets say the Pervert Military? Kho, Hayden - General. Revilla, Bong - umm Colonel?

Here's a quote from our good senator: "I know for a fact na mayroon ng mga kampong naninira sa akin dahil sa pakikipag-laban kong ito. They have hired PR groups to divert the issue and destroy me but I will not falter." Riiiiight.

Being a true public servant I will not, and I repeat I will not post said picture here, not because of fear from prosecution or impeachment but rather save us all from those ghastly images that maybe ingrained in our minds after seeing such photo. So do not expect to find it here nor would I want to see. I think after seeing Hayden's equipment, I have already reached my seeing other guy's nightstick quota for the whole year.

It would be interesting to see if this "scandal" would make the Senator back off a bit. Hopefully, (please god no) there will not be any Bong Revilla and (insert name here) video scandal that would pop up in the next few hours or days.

Ad hominem.....shoot the messenger.....Hayden -1, Bong -1. LOL

(Sgd) H.E. President of the Philippines

Presidential Circular: Of Hayden-Katrina-Maricar, Bong Revilla, Alec Baldwin, Candy Pangilinan and Charice.

Malacanan Palace
21 May 2009

How refreshing it is to see that our good senator from Cavite, the Honorable Bong Revilla is actually alive and is in the senate floor, one thing that can not be said about his colleague and fellow actor the Honorable Lito Lapid. A news report even describes Revilla's privilege speech as "rare". Leave it to someone like Hayden Kho to get a rise out of the good senator. How I wish though that instead of this........



he would be doing something else of his time, the kind of thing that people who voted for him would truly appreciate and benefit from....like I dunno? CREATING JOBS???? SOLVING CRIMES?? I know though. The urge to resist this kind of publicity is hard, specially from someone seeking a higher office and one that is a publicity whore. And besides...I don't think the good senator is the best guy to call someone a "maniac" or a "pervert of the highest kind" or something. I mean Bong Revilla? really? Was Jamby busy counting her millions from her Auntie? was Pia Cayetano in Pilates class?

Yes, I have seen one of the videos. I just could not find the urge nor the time to look for all five of them or how many there are out there. But as President I need to educate myself to be able to form an educated opinion of the matter. And to empower those who would like to form an educated opinion as well according to intelligence sources, here is a site where ALLEGEDLY the video of Hayden and Maricar is posted. Shame on these smut peddlers :P

To Katrina and cutie Maricar, don't fret. Just when you think it is the end of the line for the both of you, I give you Paris.....Kim Kardashian and even Vanessa Hudgens to a lesser degree. All of them has parlayed their sex videos into bigger and brighter things. There is hope for you guys. I have heard of no celebrity whose lives were ruined because of a sex video. Empower yourselves, do more of these but this time, make sure its in your own terms.

IT DOES'NT MATTER GIRLS...YOU ARE HOTTTTT

And Hayden..my brother...trim them pubes. Otherwise, gotta give it you man, dunno if there's a market for a pornstar with a cock of a 12 year old but hey, you did it, good luck. You managed to F up your career for your perverse urges but hey more power to you. Oh another thing, we really don't want to see you and your ass as much as you want us to see and ..can you make them videos a little clearer next time? Like HD quality or something.

And then there's Alec Baldwin. One of the Baldwin brothers. Kim Basinger's ex husband.



Alec freakin Baldwin. Are we actually legitimizing the comments made by this dude, whose most recent and significant work was his profanity laced tirade of his then 11 year old daughter? Who cares on what this guy says. It's a joke! I'm still waiting for somebody of significance to say something...anything about the Philippines. Not Baldwin, Not Teri Hatcher, Not Chip Tsao. How about Clooney? Pitt? Denzel? even Cruise!

And while I'm at it.... Candy? sweetie, you know its cool and all but I think I have issued an executive order sometime ago that states that unless you are capable of being picked up in a bar by someone sober, you should not make fun of anyone's appearance except your own. And unfortunately honey, you fall under this category. I do get you though. Your apology was well executed but still is riddled by damage control. Why not just go out there and say yes, I did make fun of Igorots, I am an idiot, and I am sorry, instead of saying you were really talking about the Igorot statue. ..

UMMMM.............NO THANK YOU.

But there is one common denominator in all of these so-called scandals besides insensitivity by the guilty parties. Politicians jumping at every opportunity for their chance to ride the wave of publicity from these scandals/controversies. The Baguio Provincial Council really? for what? for the chance to be interviewed by different media sources? I think the Igorots would appreciate that instead of the time you people spent typing and creating a resolution condemning Candy, you guys would have went to the hinterlands and looked at their plight. Sure I'll give GABRIELA a free pass but there's just something not right about the way they're doing things.

You know what would be nice BUT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN? President Obama or Nelson Mandela writing our consuls about the blatant racial epithets our two biggest networks routinely do on their comedy shows towards black people. They have more pressing issues to tackle, something our leaders never realize since all of them are too pre occupied in making sure their mugs make it to the front pages of all papers and the six o clock news. One time, just one time I hope someone would do this to make us realize that this is just utterly stupid and juvenile.

Now as I go back to the important issues of the day let me leave you with this...Charice Pempengco bringing down the house in the Oprah Winfrey Show with her new single Note to God. Just when you think everything is just going to fall apart...Here she comes to save the day. Now lets just wait which politician would be first in line to commend Charice for a job well done for his own 15 minutes of fame.

Conferment of the Order of Sikatuna on Ronnie Ricketts

MALACANAN PALACE
20 MAY 2009

CONFERMENT OF THE ORDER OF SIKATUNA ON RONNIE RICKETTS

WHEREAS, This Conferment of the Order of Sikatuna with Rank of Datu is presented to Ronnie Ricketts, also known by the spine-tingling nickname "Rocketts" for being the single most influential, powerful and intimidating Filipino of all time.

WHEREAS, This recognition is given to Ronn-Rick due to the following indisputable facts and my fear of him.

• Manny Pacquiao DID NOT knock Ricky Hatton out. Hatton knew Ronnie Ricketts bet on Manny so he decided not to answer the bell.
• Manny Pacquiao FEARS Ronnie Ricketts.
• PAG ASA is waiting for a typhoon signal No.6 to name it after Ronnie Ricketts
  
• Jose Maria Sison exiled in the Netherlands because of Ronnie Ricketts.
• Ronnie Ricketts eats pork with swine flu.
• Alec Baldwin will apologize to Filipinos because of Ronnie Ricketts.
• "Ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan...sisipain ni Ronnie Ricketts."
• "Bato bato sa langit ang tamaan wag magagalit...kasi si Ronnie Ricketts ang bumato"
  
• The disease ricketts was named after Ronnie Ricketts
• Mt Pinatubo has been dormant since Ronnie Ricketts yelled at it.
• "Nasa tao ang gawa, na kay Ronnie Ricketts ang awa"
• Ronnie Ricketts uses arnis to swat flies
• Ronnie Ricketts uses arnis to kill people in a more humane way, his fists are just way too hard.
• When playing basketball, Ronnie dunks the ball by using his feet.
• Nardong Putik used to be stone, he turned into mud after Ronnie Ricketts punched him in the face.
  
• "Lahat ng gubat, may ahas, pwera na lang kung malapit sa bahay ni Ronnie Ricketts"
• Ronnie Ricketts does not use toothpicks, he uses a balisong
• Ronnie Ricketts performed his own appendectomy.
• Mariang Makiling has a crush on Ronnie Ricketts.
• In one Lenten Season, Ronnie Ricketts tried to nail himself on the cross but failed. The nail melted in his presence.
  
• Ronnie Ricketts does not use mouthwash, he uses muriatic acid.
• The Hukbalahap was not stopped by Ramon Magsaysay. It was Ronnie Ricketts.
• Ronnie Ricketts uses a chainsaw to clip his nails.
• Ronnie Ricketts plays syato using his arnis.
• Ronnie Ricketts uses siling labuyo to clean his eyes.
• All aswangs moved to Capiz because of Ronnie Ricketts.

It is of great honor and fear that I, the President of the greatest country in the universe, by the powers vested in me, and by the power of grayskull do confer the Order of Sikatuna on Ronnie Ricketts.

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines
20 May 2009

Presidential Bulletin: Case of Mistaken Identities (Pinoy Celebrity Look a likes)

PRESIDENTIAL BULLETIN: ADVISORY ON MISTAKEN IDENTITIES

Malacanan Palace
16 May 2009

My countrymen, this bulletin is being disseminated through the office of the press secretary to help in the identification of prominent celebrities who have been suffering from cases of mistaken identities. May this bulletin assist everyone in the proper recognition of such Filipinos.

ALESSANDRA DE ROSSI AND CONGRESSWOMAN DARLENE CUSTODIO

One is currently seen bitching at Kim Chiu, the other just bitch slapped our Pambansang Kamao Manny Pacquiao in the last elections. Both with feisty and fiery personalities.

CHARMEL (of Deal or no Deal) and VIVIAN VELEZ

Perhaps black is the favorite color of these body beautifuls. Charmel's presence in Deal or no Deal brings black, the color of bad luck in every contestant while Vivian donned the Bikining Itim in the movie of the same title.

JESSICA SOHO and FRANKLIN DRILON

Apparently, a TV show for the former Senator and the award winning broadcast journalist is in the works: KANGUSO nyo JESSICA and FRANK.

JESSA ZARAGOSA and TOUCAN SAM

It was BLACK FRIDAY, the biggest shopping day of the year. I woke up early, had my fruit loops and guess who I saw at the GUESS outlet store in Vacaville? Yup Jessa Zaragosa.

ARCHIE ALEMANIA and BEARWIN MEILY

So did Bearwin use his magical powers to clone himself with Archie Alemania. Both comedians, both bald and unmistakenly look-a-likes although I gotta give Archie the upper hand having a cutie wife.

DOMINIC OCHOA and JAKE JOSON (Manny Pacquiao's underwear carrier)

It is finally confirmed. Dominic Ochoa does not work for Manny Pacquiao. It is actually a guy named Jake Joson, one who has no official job description except for being in every picture and every camera shot of Manny that ever existed.

AIKO MELENDEZ and CONNIE SISON (news anchor)

One has moved from Jomari Yllana to Martin Jickain to..I dont know...the other has moved from ABS-CBN to GMA 7. A DNA test is what's needed to finally find out if they are true sisters.

AMANDA PAGE and MILAGRING (of wowowee)

I admit. I watch Wowowee. Why? because it is the only reminder of the girl I was, and will always be in love with: AMANDA PAGE. With Milagring around, I don't miss Amanda Page so much anymore although sometimes I wonder where is Amanda. Amanda where are you?!!!!

JOJO LASTIMOSA and YUL SERVO

I still hate Jolas for that gruesome injury that happened to Samboy Lim. Now whenever I see Yul Servo, the whole Samboy injury still flashes in my head. Samboy goes for the dunk, Jolas clips him from underneath, Samboy flips, his feet almost touching the rim then lands face first....oh my god.

RUFFA MAE QUINTO and FRANCINE PRIETO

Not only do their faces look a like but the biggest resemblance between these two are those two. Look at them quadruplets!

POKWANG and ROSITA (Pinoy Dream Academy)

To my dear yaya.....Yaya Daisy me pag asa pa kayong mag artista. Tingnan mo nga sila o. So keep on practicing on our Magic Mic. Malay mo i revive nyo yung group nina Manilyn noong araw, yung Triplets.

BUTCH FRANCISCO and JOSEPH BITANGCOL

Well, at least we have seen Joseph kiss a guy, a thing that people wonder if Butch Francisco does.

BEA ALONZO and YASMIN KURDI

Did Bea Alonzo switch to GMA? Then I realized its not her but someone who looks exactly like her! Do they both like to eat? It kinda looks like it too, although Kurdi claims she's a vegan, whatever that means.

WILLIE REVILLAME and FANNY SERRANO

If Willie likes to be called Papi...Fanny likes to call Fafas. One likes to say wowoweee, one says wiheeeeeeee

DAWN ZULUETA and NANCY CASTILIOGNE

A classic beauty and a classic case of schizophrenia? Dunno but I do like a quirky girl you know. Its kinda dangerously sexy.

JOBERT SUCALDITO and ........

My apologies. I do not intend to be mean. Really. I just could not resist it. Again to the horse, I am really sorry.

JOHN LAPUS and JOY VIADO

It's dark...you're in a bar....you're on your 8th beer...Joy or John?

MAUI TAYLOR and MAHAL

You want your 13 year old son to stop masturbating? Print this right away and post it in your son's room. Once he realizes that he might as well be Jimboy he'll tell you he'd never do it again.

BB GANDANGHARI and CARMINA VILLAROEL

My grandma always said that if two people looked a like, they would end up together. Too bad BB Gandanghari is a woman if not she would have ended up with Carmina Villaroel...OH WAIT...THEY WERE MARRIED TO EACH OTHER! DUH!

May this bulletin serve its purpose. God bless the Philippines!

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines
16 May 2009

Letters to the President

Malacanan Palace
14 May 2009

In less than a month in office, I would like to say that the response to my administration has been overwhelmingly positive, and to that I thank each and everyone of you. Thank you for the comments and emails, I do appreciate them. It's a good reminder that there are people out there that are interested in what I have to say. So today I would like to share with you several emails from our countrymen and my response/s to said letters.

Dear Mr. President,

Not that it matters but, are you going to endorse anyone for the 2010 polls? If yes, why and if not why not? (Malabo ba tanong ko ?)

- Naguguluhan (Toronto, Canada)

Naguguluhan, thanks for your email. I probably will endorse someone for president although there is also a big possibility that I might not. Lets just say right now, like a high school student, I have a lot of crushes, but none of them has made me lets just say "kilig." If someone comes across and makes me swoon like a high school student in a Jonas Brothers concert, that might sway my vote.

Mr. President,

In one of your first entries, I think the first one, I saw someone ask you about your stand on CHA CHA, gay marriage etc. I am really curious on what you think about gay marriage. Thanks for your time.

- F. Castro (San Francisco, California)

Hi Mr/Ms Castro. I intend to do a position paper on gay marriage in the coming days but since you asked, all I can say is: have'nt they suffered enough? Look, if someone is stupid enough to submit oneself to another person, well go right ahead! Marriage is overrated anyway. If they want to suffer like us heteros, well, be my guest.

Mr. President,

I noticed that you are a basketball fan. Boston? LA? Denver? Houston? Cleveland?

- Hoopster007 (Riyadh, Saudi Arabia)

Basketball is a passion of mine. Count me among one of the millions of delusional Filipinos who thinks that if I was 6'3 I could play in the NBA. I do have a sweet jumper, not quite Ray Allen like but close to Allan Caidic. I did win an MVP award just two years ago. Anyway, during these playoffs, I am back to my usual role of a stoic basketball fan since the Warriors are once again out of the post season, so I do not have any vested interest in any of the teams still playing. But for me ANYONE BUT THE LAKERS. The Lakers have the most bandwagon fans in the entire universe. Laker fans now were the Chicago Bulls fans during the Jordan days, who became Rockets fans during Olajuwon, who became San Antonio fans when Shaq left LA, and now are back to being Laker Fans. Its sad. I do like the Nuggets since they remind me of the We Believe Warriors of two years ago, but it just looks like Lebron James' year. He is what we thought Michael Jordan would be if MJ was 6'9.

Mr. President,

What is your favorite song? Color? Movie? What is the presidential car? What is love?

- Carlo (Manila, Philippines)

Carlo, sana pinapirma mo na lang ako ng slumbook. Anyway to answer your question, I don't think there's one answer to each of them but I'm going to try and wittle it down anyway. Song: Tenderness, Build me up Buttercup, Just got Lucky, Kapag Tumibok ang Puso. I like songs that makes me bounce up and down, lift my hands up, and give me good vibes. Hate sappy ones and those tunes drug addicts like. Color: Green. People have said I look best in green (they probably think I'm a leprechaun or Shrek) Movie: May Minamahal is one of my favorites of all time, local or foreign. Takbo Peter Takbo is a classic, which stars Chiquito and Coney Reyes. It's a prelude to 28 days after or Night of the Living Dead. Elvis and James Part 1 is one of the best I've seen as well, specially when Rene Requiestas went to Baguio wearing a "hunghang" shirt. Foreign, well I loved Crash, the Rocky series, Rudy, Shooting Fish (I saw this movie with 3 other people inside the movie theatre, one of Kate Beckinsale's first movies) Presidential Car: an '08 Japanese Car and a '01 American Minivan. Love: I used to say Love is Lagablab in high school since I think it's ridiculous to ask such a question. Why don't you ask me who is my crush and I might just tell you. Pasensya na napahaba ang sagot ko.

Mr. President,

I stumbled upon your blog searching the net for portable washing machines. Eversince that time, I have enjoyed reading all your blog entries. My question is do you intend to change the feel of your blog to appeal to more people? The reason I asked is I sent a link to a friend of mine and she said she does'nt get it.

- Tina (Laguna, Philippines)

Tina, I get what you're trying to say. I myself admit that this blog does not have that mass appeal. I don't know if that's by design but hey it is what it is. But tell your friend to come back and read it the second time, and she might just like it. The blog is kinda like that not so hot girl at the bar. Once you've had a few beers, it becomes a little bit more attractive that you might just take it home.

Mr. President,

Will you ever upload a picture of yourself? Just curious.

- Joanne (Seattle, Washington)

Joanne, I'm nothing to look at believe you me. But hey if you're really curious, I am all over the internet. You just gotta know where to look.

Anyway, I hope I've answered a few of your questions. There are a few more in the mailbag that I'm going to try and compile and answer in one sitting. I encourage everyone to send your comments and ANY questions you need answers for and I am going to try and answer them truthfully and in a timely manner. There is no such thing as a stupid question, only stupid people who ask them. I hope to hear from you soon. Email me: Usda_gradeameat at yahoo dot com.

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines

Proclamation No. 2: Recognition of FOBlish as an Official Language of the Philippines

Malacanan Palace
13 May 2009

RECOGNITION OF FOBLISH AS AN OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF THE REPUBLIC OF THE PHILIPPINES

WHEREAS, FOBlish is a language used by more than 6 million Filipinos, widely spoken in the United States of America, Hongkong, Saudi Arabia, Canada, United Kingdom, and other countries where there are a huge concentration of Filipinos.

WHEREAS, New immigrants are confused whenever they interact with native English speakers since they think they are speaking English when in fact they are speaking FOBlish, thus the confusion

WHEREAS, FOBlish is based on the English language but is not English. The word FOBlish is derived from the acronym FOB which means Fresh Off the Boat. It is an indigenous language brought over from the Philippines, (usually those who carry their X rays and visas) to foreign lands and gives Filipinos the notion that they are speaking English.

DO THOSE VISA ENVELOPES WITH X RAYS COUNT AS HAND CARRY??

SECTION 1: A partial list of the following words and/or phrases are now officially classified as FOBLISH and not English (with translations)

A SALA SET

ENGLISH FOBLISH

COUCH SALA SET
PERIOD MENS
SLIPPERS STEP IN
SANDALS HAPPY FEET
SNEAKERS TENNIS SHOES
HANG ON TIME FIRST, TIME FIRST
MATHEMATICS ARITHMETIC
MOBILE PHONE CELL PHONE
READY GAME
SODA SOFT DRINKS
FOR HERE DINE IN
TO GO TAKE OUT
BILL CHIT
JUST A MINUTE FOR A WHILE
HOME PHONE LAND LINE
SUPER NES FAMILY COMPUTER

MUSIC SOUNDS

REFRIGERATOR FRIGIDAIRE
BOOMBOX COMPONENT
CAR WHEELS
RIMS MAGS
ORANGE JUICE EIGHT O CLOCK
SWITCH OFF THE LIGHTS CLOSE THE LIGHTS
CRACKERS BISCUIT
PANCAKES HOTCAKES
FLOURESCENT LAMP DAYLIGHT
CHANGE COINS
TOOTHPASTE COLGATE
BLEACH CLOROX
TWO WEEKS AGO LAST LAST WEEK
AC AIRCON
TO PASS OVERTAKE
ALL YOU CAN EAT EAT ALL YOU CAN
PICTURES KODAKS

THONG T - BACK
BUS STOP WAITING SHED
PATIO TERRACE
VCR VHS
EYE CRUST MORNING GLORY
HAIR STRAIGHTENING REBOND
PADS (SANITARY) NAPKINS
RESTROOM BATHROOM
LIVING ROOM SALA
WINDOW PANELS JALOUSY
EXTRA LARGE JUMBO

I, the President of the greatest country in the universe, and by the power of grayskull do hereby declare this proclamation as final and executory effective immediately.

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines

Executive Order No.5: The Tricycle Code of 2009

Malacanan Palace
12 May 2009

Executive Order No. 5: The Tricycle Code of 2009

WHEREAS, Tricycles are the most readily available and still the most affordable motorized mode of transportation.

WHEREAS, The need for an executive order in the operation and usage of tricycles in the country is warranted for the safety and welfare of all Filipinos.

SECTION 1: From now on, all over the archipelago, drivers are not to allow special trips from 4pm to 8pm. It does not matter if a passenger offers to pay 500 pesos to take her home, being a selfish bitch has no place in a tricycle, let alone in this world. What kind of self centered asshole would take a trip alone knowing that there are close to a thousand people in the line behind her? If you take satisfaction from knowing that everyone in the terminal sees you in a tricycle ALONE you have some serious issues. And you know what, you are not special...YOU ARE IN A TRICYCLE!

AN INCONSIDERATE PRICK ENJOYING HIS RIDE

SECTION 2: For the safety of all Filipinos, there shall be a limit of five (5), I repeat, five LIVING THINGS in a tricycle at one time, including the driver. Yes, goats, pigs, chickens, carabaos and cows count as living things, so they do count towards the five maximum. A maximum of three passengers can occupy the inside car, and the driver plus another passenger can occupy the motorcycle itself.

• That metal grill at the back of the motorcycle itself IS NOT A GODDAMN SEAT. If it was, SUZUKI would have put some cushioning on it don't you think?

ROAD SAFETY AT ITS FINEST

• In addition, the gas tank IS NOT A CHILD SEAT. Drivers are to be adviced to leave their children in their homes. Contrary to what drivers might think it is not enjoyable for children to sit on the gas tank, especially when those kids have no pants on. Being president, the days of bare asses touching bare metal are officially over.

DISNEYLAND HAS NOTHING ON THIS RIDE

• Also pigs cannot be hogtied and thrown at the roof of the sidecar as well as goats at the back of said sidecar. They are about to be slaughtered, they do not need the added stress of thinking they could die in a traffic accident.

"BOSS SAAN TAYO?"

SECTION 3: Music will now be prohibited while the vehicle is in motion. I do get the need of having music on these vehicles, they are specially useful while waiting for passengers in the terminal. But there is no freaking way music should be played while a tricycle is running since you can't hear it anyway! Unless of course, you turn the volume up to sonic boom levels. By then, between the roar of the tricycle motor and the blaring sound from the speakers which seems to be all treble or all bass but never in harmony, you are already half deaf.

SECTION 4: Drivers should not pick up passengers traveling less than 500 yards. USE YOUR FEET AND WALK! This practice contributes to the epidemic known as obesity. It does not matter if its 200 degrees outside, work up a sweat and walk because God knows how much you need to lose some pounds, fatty. The only exception to this if the tricycle is hired to carry LPG or Gasul. I know how much of a pain it is to carry LPG tanks to and from your suking tindahan. Those are a definite pain in the ass if I ever saw one. LPG tanks are the most ergonomically wrong object ever known to man. The handles do not fit, you cannot roll or drag the damn thing for fear of explosion, it's shape is weird, and it is as heavy as a motha!!!!!!!

SECTION 5: Drivers wearing sandos.........deodorant please. or tawas. or something. I beg you. UTANG NA LOOB!!!!

SHETTTTT BANGO NI BOSSING!!!

SECTION 6: Drivers should observe proper posture while driving. Hanging sideways, just like what dogs would do in cars will be strictly prohibited. It does not look cool people. It does not add to your coolness factor, you are in fact driving a tricycle.

I as the President of the greatest country in the universe, by the powers vested in me, and by the power of grayskull do hereby declare this order effective immediately.

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines
12 May 2009