It's Christmas...Where the Hell are my Godparents???

Growing up, one of the christmas traditions I did not fully enjoy was recieving christmas presents from my godparents. I vaguely remember getting one present from each of my godparents that I know of, but that's about it.

Christmas in the province was worse. Since I did not have any godparents there, I would tag along my cousins and siblings when they go to their godparents and witness them get 20 pesos while I get a measly 5. The injustice!

And as I wrap presents for my godchildren I ask: "Where are my godparents?"

I know of three, as I think back in the day, godparents were limited into a manageable number unlike now where it is not uncommon for a child to have 10 or more, which at first glance is INSANE, but not after you realize that 80 percent of them vanishes within the first five years of the child's life, just like what has happened to me and my childrens' godparents.

Anyway, my godparents are: Rey De Vera, Dra. Nela Lee Millar and Mary Jane Madamba.

From what I know, Mr. De Vera is the brother of the president of Alpha Records Corporation, Buddy De Vera, at least according to my mother. I kinda remember going to his office once and getting a Superman shirt one Christmas day, but beyond that, NADA.

On the other hand, I did meet Dra. Nela Lee Millar as an adult. I brought my son suffering from some sort of skin allergy. She did not charge us for anything although she barely remembered who the hell I was or who my parents were. I am actually surprised that she basically took what I said on face value and proceeded to see my kid without charging me a penny. You gotta think that she has probably lost count of how many godchildren she has as she is a pediatrician after all.

I came to know of Mary Jane Madamba as a kid when my aunt would always point out to me that the lady who is in the original Knorr Sabaw ng Sinigang commercials was indeed my ninang. After a while I just got annoyed by this fact as everyone in my household would make sure to point this out no matter what I was doing.

I googled all of them but could not find out anything about Rey De Vera. Buddy de Vera is out there as the owner of Alpha Records but no information is out there about Rey. There is a listing of Dra. Millar at the Medical Center Paranaque and I do know this is accurate, so it is nice to know that she is out there.

On the other hand, Mary Jane Madamba is interesting because it shows that beside the knowledge I have that she was a commercial model, she apparently is the Miss Teen International First Runner Up for 1966. I am not sure if this is the same person but as I type this my mother is already asleep and I could not get a confirmation from her.

I am not going to second guess my parents' choice of godparents were but you just gotta admit that they were not good choices. According to the church, godparents should serve as second parents to their godchildren. How are they going to do it when they barely know you. One example of this is when movie stars being asked to be godparents to kids of regular folks, such as Joey De Leon, yes that Joey De Leon who is supposedly my sister's godfather.

MR. DE LEON MAY UTANG KA DAW SA UTOL KO

So what is it that I want? Well if they are childless millionaires looking for a sole hair to their riches, I would gladly step up to the plate and oblige. But really, all I want is acknowledgement perhaps, just to validate my christian existence.

Let this be a little reminder to all of us godparents to try not to forget our godchildren. Also, to parents out there, only ask people to be your children's godparents if you are certain that these people would figure prominently in your child's life, and of course, yung magandang mag pa aguinaldo!

Merry Christmas Folks!

Here's one for you folks

I guess everyone is going crazy with all their christmas shopping and whatnot but here's something that has helped me dealing with all the wrapping.....

New Darlings of Philippine Sports: Pinay Charlie's Angels

11 December 2009

In a welcome break from Martial law and those mother fucking Ampatuans, 3 young, fresh, talented, athletic and most importantly, BLAZING HOTTTT women provided the country with some achievement we can smile about. Janice Lagman, Rani Ann Ortega and Camille Alarilla won gold medals in taekwondo in the ongoing 25th Southeast Asian Games in Vientianne, Laos.

THREE GOLDEN SMILES

In my book, these women are ones to be really proud about. They are the real life "CHARLIE'S ANGELS"! If you might have noticed by now, I just cant get over the fact that these women are just goddamn gorgeous!!! According to reports these three ladies just came from Egypt to win the championship in the same event a short time ago, and now they go to Laos and kicked some serious ass!

TOO HOT FOR TAEKWONDO

With the megawatt smile these three possesses I would not be a bit surprised if they start gracing magazine covers and television shows as soon as they get off the plane from Laos.

Now the most important part..who among these three I like the most? They are all hot but if I could have the luxury of picking just one, even if they came in threes, my favorite would be Rani!

So ladies thank you very much for carrying the country's pride out there and no thanks to the idiot non-sport people running the country's sports programs. I'm willing to bet that your parents were the one who gave you most of the support you needed to get to become world class athletes.

Soak it up, enjoy it and rest assured i'll be the first one to get a copy of whatever magazine you choose to have your pretty faces published. Love ya! (LMAO)

SUNDOT KULANGOT (quick shots on news around cyberspace)

10 December 2009

Tigas talaga ng pagmumukha ni Pangulong Kutong lupa. Biruin mong nagkaka diskusyunan na sa kongreso dahil sa katarantaduhan nitong pag dedeklara ng martial law e, ni anino nito hindi sumulpot sa kongeso? Tang ina talaga oo.

***

Kung hindi nyo pa alam isa pang dating kapamilyang nananamlay ang career ang lumipat na sa syete, si Bayani Agbayani. sya daw ang ipantatapat ng gma sa papalakas na ng papalakas na showtime ni Vhong Navarro. Ang title daw e Bigay Todo (?)

***

Panis si Manny ke Tiger. Si Tiger 10 bebots na ang sumusulpot, si Manny ni isa ala pang umaamin.

***

Tindi ng Comelec, dalawa ng oposisyon governors ang inagawan ng pwesto. E bat si Gloria nde nyo matanggal tanggal?

***

Kagandahan ke Tiger, walang pinapalampas. Bata, matanda, brunette, blonde, me suso o wala, pangit man o maganda, walang sinasayang. Parang kumakain sa buffet, lahat tinitikman. Just how I like it!

***

Speaking of papalakas na Showtime, pati si Willie apektado na. Nagtampururot sa Wowowee dahil hindi daw inacknowledge ng ABS ang pagkapanalo nila sa Anak TV tapos nag segway sa pagsasabing hindi daw sila kaaway ng Showtime. Dude, ikaw tong nagbibigay kulay eh, sa pagsasalita mo kinumpirma mo na apekted ka. Sana hindi mo na lang pinansin.

***

Kala ko ba Martial Law? bat buhay pa ang mga Ampatuan? Talagang wala ng magaling na nagawa itong mga asa Malacanang. Kahit sa Martial Law bokya pa rin. At least sina Marcos, perfect ang implementation!

***

Oh nga pala nakita nyo ba yung anak ni Gretchen Barretto nung tumanggap ng trophy ang nanay nya bilang Best Actress whatever sa Star Awards? Whoa what a brat! She rolled her eyes and mouthed "OMG" when her mother referred to her father as "her lover." Hanapin nyo sa you tube kung meron. I mean if my kid pulled that kind of shit.......

***

Mabalik tayo sa Showtime, pinapanood ko talaga to. Although I do know na kopya lang din naman to sa Talentadong Pinoy na ginaya sa Britain's Got Talent na baka gayahin di ng Bigay Todo, which makes me come to the conclusion na: WAG NA TAYONG UMASA NG INNOVATIVE PINOY SHOW in the near future. NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

***

I mean Anne Curtis has grown on me, I still don't think she's Megan Fox hot (who is anyway?) but she is pretty. Then Vice Ganda....what can I say, this person is hilarious. Even the two rock stars add something to the party.

***

Come to think of it, 3 of those I named that could replace Willie Revillame are now in the afternoon timeslot namely Vhong Navarro, Bayani Agbayani and Ryan Agoncillo. Akalain mo nga naman ano.....

***

Can someone answer why I'm still a die hard Golden State Warrior fan?

***

Does anyone remember Manolet Ripol (sp?)??? Wala lang....

***

Im not totally against movie stars in showbusiness BUT....if Lito Lapid still wins as a senator after he already said na hindi sya bagay sa Senado....THERE MUST BE SOMETHING REALLY GODDAMN WRONG WITH US PEOPLE.

***

So hindi nagpakamatay si Hayden KHO....who the fuck cares? Why is a respected lawyer like Lorna Kapunan represents this dude? oh yeah I forgot...Dr. Vicki's money.

(Sgd.) President of the Philippines

Why Manny won't do a Tiger

3 December 2009

Unless you have been living under a rock or in a state of coma for the past week or so, you must have heard of the sportsworld's squeaky clean poster child Eldrick Woods embroiled in a extra marital brouhaha with not one, not two but three (so far) bimbos.

THEY BOTH JUST DID IT

Interestingly enough this comes on the heels of another sports supermega star, our very own Manny Pacquiao in a similar situation albeit with a much less hotter hoe than those of Tiger's conquests: Krista Ranillo.

HOW CAN YOU CHEAT ON THESE??

There are a lot of similarities about the two, both are at the top of their games in their respective sports, both with hot wives (although again Tiger gets the advantage here Elin > Jinkee) both Nike endorsers, etc. etc.

But this is where the similarity ends. Tiger, although half assed went out and released a statement admitting what he termed "transgressions" and apologized to his family while Pacman goes out and denies the whole thing, calls it a publicity stunt and then apologizes to Krista Ranillo! LMFAO.

TEAM PACQUIAO

So now you ask: Why can't Manny do a Tiger? Admit that he was romping with Matt Ranillo's unica hija, apologize to his wife then go on and beat Floyd Mayweather to a pulp?

TEAM TIGER

Why? Because Manny is a Filipino guy, and a Filipino icon. Hard to admit but as a filipino guy, this is what our culture has taught us, it is innate, second nature. We might admit to killing someone, robbing even (although GMA might have something to say about that) but never ever admit to infidelity.

Magkamatayan man, wag na wag aamin. Kahit nakita ka ng nakipaghalikan (ehem!) kahit nakita na ang webpage mong punong puno ng pakikipaglampungan mo sa kalaguyo mo, (ehem again!) no way. Sad but true.

Has anyone encountered any Pinoy who admitted to their wife that they are seeing someone else? No effing way. To their drinking buddies yes, but never to their wives. That is just how it is.

Cant blame the people's champ here. I mean his dad probably has never admitted to Nanay Dionisia all his "transgressions" up to now. Daddy Pacman is still to tis day probably is saying that he has never comitted any indiscretions ever. And this is what Manny has learned to be the norm.

How many times have we heard the lame excuse "magkaibigan lang kami", or "walang masamang nangyari sa amin" or the reversal "madumi lang kasi ang isip mo"? This is what we've heard. We are taught tht nothing good comes out of admitting stuff like this. Better lie to your grave than to man up and admitting it.

Manny should think twice about this. Woods is expected to survive this, unless of course more and more women would come out in the open which would make this issue longer than its prescribed expiration date, but this will pass. The American public would forget about this. Tiger had his fun, said his apology so now everyone is going to move on.

Manny? Oh no. This is going to linger on. This will not go away. Especially now that Manny is running for congress. This Krista issue will be visited, revisited and visited again, unless Manny owns up to this.

Unlike the american sports fan, the Philippines is a whole different ball game. We want our idols to be role models, morally upright, someone who can do no wrong. Saintly, I must say. That is the dilemma facing a Filipino icon.

We revere our idols just like how we revere the saints of our Roman Catholic faith, and that my friends is the problem.

I don't think Manny would risk tarnishing his venerable (in his mind at least) image in the eyes of 90 million Filipinos. He is probably thinking that the masa would never forgive him for something like this. He might be under estimating the compassion of the masa towards him but can you blame him?

So don't expect Manny to come out with a statement written up by some lawyer just like Tiger did. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. Manny will never own up to anything. Not to the guy who ponied up 59.99 for his latest pay-per-view fight, not to anyone, not even to his wife. And why should he? He can't.

Happy Thanksgiving

26 November 2009

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. It's festive like Christmas but without the added pressure of gift-giving. Its about food and family, what a holiday should be about. Even if it kinda commemorates the white man's slaughter of Native Americans, it has evolved nicely. I do have one problem about Thanksgiving though.....

TURKEY.

I do not eat turkey. I mean I have had it in several occassions but I do not enjoy it. I reall can't pinpoint what I exactly do not like about it. It could be it's massive size, it's bland taste or perhaps a combination of the two. I do not seek it, I do not crave for it. I guess if I had the choice between turkey or goat I would do turkey but I just don't like it at all.

Turkey is on my list of food items I can live without. Others are:

• Goat - The smell bothers me.
• Brownies - Lola said there's marijuana on them. Stuck with me to this day.
• Milk - Cant drink a glass, or a cup straight up. Can tolerate it in halo halos though.
• Cake - The icing makes me nauseaus.
• Balut - Never had one ever. never will. Unless I'm a contestant on The Amazing Race.
• Adidas - Just the thought of those feet stepping on their own poop makes it so unappetizing.
• Papaitan - Poop. Plain and simple.

What's good though is the wifey do not like turkey as well so there's no conflict there. Although my kids are weirded out of a household without turkey on the dinner table on Thanksgiving day. Another reminder for them on how "filipinoey" my household is.

So instead of turkey, in comes lechon manok. A nice size chicken cooked in my old reliable turbo broiler. With some kare kare, crispy pata, dinuguan, pansit, veggies, and kakanin my Thanksgiving dinner is set.

You know what else besides the food and family I look forward to during Thanksgiving? BLACK FRIDAY BABY!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

Claudine Barretto moves to GMA 7

25 November 2009

(Note: report now official via www.pep.ph)

According to unconfirmed reports, lifelong Kapamilya star Claudine Barretto has signed a two year exclusive contract to join GMA 7. Details are still skechy but expect reports to come out about this in a few hours.

WILL THIS GET YOUR CAREER BACK ON TRACK?

Claudine was last seen in the teleserye Iisa Pa Lamang with Gabby Concepcion LAST YEAR! This is not how you treat your supposed "princess". So obviously Claudine has felt neglected by her home studio. In fact I don't think I have'nt seen her in anything even on TV interviews or the like. I actually thought she was pregnant again or sick.

The move was probably expected by some quarters, evidenced by her earlier signing of a movie contract by Viva Films but still, this is a shock to many as Claudine is identified with ABS-CBN since she started with them when she was a kid. In addition, husband Raymart Santiago is a GMA contract star and GMA bigwigs are the couple's principal sponsors. Also, a reported rift with Angel Locsin also comes to mind although this probably did not factor in her decision to switch channels. She is also noticeably absent in the latest Christmas station ID of ABS CBN.



She probably felt that she is being cast aside in favor of younger Kapamilya stars like Kim Chiu, KC Concepcion and the like and rightfully so. I mean they can give someone like Erich Gonzales a teleserye but not Claudine? That is a huge insult if I ever seen one. She needs to look after her own welfare.

A good move for Claudine IMHO. There are no established queens/stars in GMA 7, except for maybe Marian Rivera and Regine Velasquez. In GMA she does not have to share the limelight unlike in ABS CBN where no matter what she does she will just be a notch below Sharon Cuneta, Kris Aquino, Lorna Tolentino and even Judy Ann Santos.

Impact wise, I dunno if this really affects ABS CBN that much since Claudine has not had a show in a year but if GMA finds a nice vehicle for Claudine, like a prime time teleserye, Kapamilya bigwigs might be scratching their heads for letting her go.

Why I'm wasting brain cells about this topic is beyond me. The only explanation I can muster is I'm starting a 7 day weekend due to the Thanksgiving holiday.

No translation necessary

25 November 2009

Here's something I stumbled upon Youtube typing the words Magic and Bra. Why I did that is purely up to me. Walang pangelamanan!

SHE CAN DEFINITELY USE THIS

Sadly it is in Japanese? But with this video there is absolutely no translation necessary. Just sit back and enjoy.




Love how it's named "God's hands". Now the question is where do we buy this revolutionary enhancer?

Manny in the fight of his life

19 November 2009
Malacanan Palace

Morales creamed. Hatton bitch slapped. Dela Hoya embarassed. Cotto pwned. None of these bums stood a chance against Manny, all of them bowing down to the undisputed king of boxing.

But now Manny is facing the toughest fight of his life, and no it is not inside the boxing ring.

As we all know by now, the Pacman is embroiled into the kind of fight none of us would imagine ourselves to be in. The fight for marital peace.

In one corner stands Jinkee Pacquiao, the wife who stood by Manny when Manny was, well to put in frankly, isang dugyot na taga Gensan.

And in one corner stands Krista Ranillo, a fresh, young, exciting, Atenean bred bimbo who has rocked Manny's world, one who makes him giggle like a school boy.

And in the middle of it all, of course is our hero. The pound for pound king. And as always, it is our there for all of us to see.

SOMETIMES WHEN WE TOUCH...THE HONESTY'S TOO MUCH

Honestly, this whole thing does not bother me. Yes there are kids involved, a marriage that is in shambles, and yes it could get nasty and ugly. But.....

Unlike many of you, for me MANNY PACQUIAO IS NOT A ROLE MODEL. He should'nt be. It is unfair. Not Manny, Not Kobe Bryant, or Charles Barkley or Muhammad Ali, Not Stephen Jackson, Ron Artest, not even Tim Lincecum.

Isn't it sad that the source of all our national pride is someone who brawls for a living? There is something inherently wrong when we ask our kids to look up to someone who we don't even know outside the four corners of our television screen.

That my friends is the problem. There is where the outrage is coming from, from people who are holier than thou, those who try to convince themselves and anyone within an earshot that they have never done anything wrong or immoral in their entire lives.

We are the ones that are at fault here, because we have subjected ourselves to revere someone, to elevate someone who is in fact a mere mortal to the highest of highs. We have seen this before, countless times. Someone on TV who has given us great joy disappointing us BECAUSE THAT PERSON DECIDED TO BE WHAT HE IS, HUMAN.

Manny Pacquiao should be, nothing more than an entertainer. Just like Kobe Bryant, who was accused of rape. Just like Michael Jordan, who is also not devoid of questions of marital infedelity, Just like Tim Lincecum, the 20 something baseball phenom caught with marijuana.

What bothers me about this whole brouhaha though is the role of Matt Ranillo III in all of this. I mean this is quite simply PROSTITUTION.

What kind of sick, money grubbing pimp would encourage his child to do this? I guess one like Matt huh?

As days pass, this too my friends will. Who knows how this would end. Will Krista and Manny do a Dolphy and Zsa zsa? Would Jinnkee withstand all the flurry and be the last woman standing. We don't know yet but surely I'll be there watching, because this after all is entertainment. And Manny? whatever the hell he wants to do in his life outside the boxing ring is his buisness. Inside the ring? he better beat everyone else to a pulp. For my own ENTERTAINMENT. Nothing more, nothing less. Try it, you won't be disappointed.

Manny Pacquiao - Pac man, Jinkee - Pac wife, Mommy Dionesia - Pac mom, Krista Ranillo - Pac kangkang

Should Manny lose against Cotto?

13 November 2009

Let me get a few things out of the way. I have followed Manny's boxing career since he was a 100 something pound boxer with a hideous orange/rusty/brassy highlights. I suspect he won some of his bouts early in his career because of that. I am not a betting man. I do gamble (slot machines exclusively) because I want my winnings or losings to be predicated by pure chance and not by someone or something that might influence a result.

With those said, let me lay out this question that no Filipino would ever think about: Should Manny Pacquiao lose against Miguel Cotto?

BUKAS NA!!

No I don't want him to lose.

But with that 0.0001 chance that he does, would its pros outweigh the cons?

I fucking loathe bandwagon fans. This explains my lifelong allegiance to one of the worst run franchises in NBA history, the Golden State Warriors. Even if its easy for me to switch to the Cavs, Spurs, Celtics or even worse the Lakers, I will not abandon my Warriors. Even if this team has only given me one winning year out of the last 15, I am, and will be here. That's why now that were 3 years removed from that we believe team that beat Dallas and the Warriors are back to sucking, I have seen bodies of bandwagon fans lay on the wayside, scurrying back to whatever team is favored to win the championship. Maybe if the Pacman loses, some of these bandwagon fans would get off the bus and would start pounding their chests and go I told you so, then declaring they are the best boxing analyst since Larry Merchant. Maybe if Manny fails, they'll go to Donaire instead.

So let's see... jueteng, a numbers game is illegal while betting on Pacquiao bouts are encouraged? Which is which really? We are a predominantly catholic country and as a good catholic know gambling or betting is prohibited in our religion, so why then are people turning a blind eye on this? Gambling is bad, and what makes it worse are people who barely have enough money to feed their families are usually the ones who are in the forefront of all betting activities. If Manny loses, this would be a wake up call for gamblers to stop what they are doing and go back to work.

ALING DIONISIA. I like her too, but not that much where I see her on my plasma screen every freaking second of the day of my TV time. Yeah yeah I can change the channel but cmon now can you really stand watching her every freaking second of your TV time? Manny loses, Aling Dionisia goes back to Gensan. And life as we know it returns.

I wanna see Manny box two more years. If he wins this, its inevitable he'll face Mayweather, and then who's next? You hear those crickets right now? That's right folks NOFUCKINGBODY. There's no one else out there. Remember Erik Morales folks? Manny losing to him gave us fight fans two more blockbusters. A Pacman loss guarantees a rematch with Cotto and possibly a third installment that could happen in a span of a year, plus a Mayweather blockbuster which would bring us to around 2011. A good two years, and if he also fights Mosley, that gives us about three more years and with Manny hitting 33 years of age, a perfect time to retire, before his brains get turned into puree.

Its November 13, two weeks before the filing of candidacy for the upcoming elections. Lets just say Manny wins, and he wins by a dramatic and impressive fashion. He might just be able to do what we Filipinos who truly love Manny would hate him to do, WIN IN AN ELECTION. If Lito Lapid was able to get a senate seat, who are we to judge Manny's capabilities. I used to be totally opposed to Manny being in congress or in government, but seeing all these clowns try to run our country, I'd say why the heck not Manny? But not now buddy. Wait a little bit. Retire, conquer the world, and then run for office.

See folks a Manny Pacquiao loss aint too bad. I mean win or lose, Manny still gets upwards to 20 million dollars so there's no pressure really. So just in case God decides to favor Cotto this time (as he too believes and prays to the same God Manny believes in) don't be too upset. This might just be a better option for all of us. Good luck Pacman. Win it for all of us Filipinos, but if you don't I ain't mad at ya.

Pilipinas....GAME K N B??? Manzano runs for Vice President

Malacanan Palace
12 Nov 2009

After being rejected by Bong Revilla, Migz Zubiri, Loren Legarda and Vilma Santos, Gilbert Teodoro and his cohorts at LAKAS-Kampi has I guess settled for the next best thing after Gov. Vilma, her ex husband Edu Manzano to be his running mate this coming elections.

EDU, HINDI KAMI GAME!

Look I like Edu, Actually I must say Game KNB for the longest time has been my favorite show on TFC, before they had to change the damn format with that ridiculous concept of sugod while on a moving platform. Its stupid, dumb.

Just like the choice of Edu as VP.

Although we should'nt worry anyway because there is no way in this god's green earth Mr. Manzano is going to win the post, or Teodoro for that matter.

But for this momentous occasion, let me leave you with some trivia questions Game KNB style:

SINO ANG TUNAY NA MANANALO SA PAGTAKBO NI EDU?
A. TAONG BAYAN
B. LUIS MANZANO
C. PINKY WEBB
D. ABS-CBN

ANO ANG AASAHAN NATING GAGAWIN NI EDU SA TUWING SYA AY AAKYAT SA STAGE PARA MANGAMPANYA?

A. SASAYAW NG PAPAYA
B. KAKAIN NG PAPAYA
C. MANGHAHAWAK NG PAPAYA
D. ALL OF THE ABOVE

ANO SA PALAGAY NYO ANG REAKSYON NI GOV. VI NANG NALAMAN NITO ANG DESISYON NG DATING ASAWA?

A. ABA INUNAHAN PA AKO?
B. NAGTATAKA PA BA KAYO KUNG BAKIT KO TO HINIWALAYAN?
C. SANA SI BOBOT MORTIZ TUMAKBO DIN PARA KUMPLETO
D. RALPH ANG LABADA!!!!

ANO NAMAN ANG SABI NI PINKY WEBB NG NALAMAN ANG DESISYON NI DOODS?

A. GUSTO KO DIN NG KASAL ALA MAR-KORINA HA!
B. MAS SARIWA AKO KAY KORINA! EDU FOR VP! PINKY FOR SECOND LADY!
C. SI JALOSJOS AT TEEHANKEE NGA NA PAROLE, SIGURO PAG NANALO SI DOODS, UTOL KO RIN MA PAPAROLE.
D. UMAGANG KAY GANDA GANDA!

AT ANG SABI NI BINAY?

A. TALAGANG HINDI AKO TITIGILAN NG GAGONG TO A
B. MAYOR NGA NG MAKATI OLATS, VP PA?
C. SHET KA SA EARTH, TAE KA SA MOON!
D. ALL OF THE ABOVE

EH ANG SABI NG MGA LOPEZ?

HMMM, TINGNAN NATIN. HAWAK NA NATIN ANG NOYNOY-MAR. PAG VILLAR-LEGARDA, HULI NA DEN NATIN DAHIL KAY LOREN, TAPOS ETONG GIBO-EDU ATIN NA DIN. ERAP-BINAY? ATIN NA DEN YAN ME MOVIE KAYA SI ERAP SA ATIN.

TULOY TULOY ANG LIGAYA BABY!!!!

(Sgd.) President of the Philippines

1029

Malacanan Palace
29 October 2009

Did you know that today is the internet's birthday? Can you imagine how the world would be without it? Along with the washing machine, the internet is one of the biggest innovations in the last 100 or so years.

Aside from the internet, these are few other people and events that happened on this day, October 29.

John Adams - President of the United States

MY DUDE

General Antonio Luna - Hero, Pharmacist. He wrote a piece titled Impressions which dealt with Spanish customs and idiosyncrasies under the pen-name "Taga-ilog". He fought duels with Spanish writers who wrote insultingly of Filipinos. He was rumored to be a ladies’ man. In Europe, Luna and Jose Rizal once quarreled over their interest in the same girl, a French mestiza. Got f'd over by know-nothing coward Aguinaldo.

Winona Ryder - Actress/Kleptomaniac

Amanda Beard - Olympic swimmer/ FHM centerfold

1998 – Hurricane Mitch, the second deadliest Atlantic hurricane in history, makes landfall in Honduras.

1998 – Gothenburg nightclub fire in Sweden (ala Ozone disco) claims 63 lives and injures 200.

2005 - Delhi bombings kill more than 60.

oh and yeah I was born this day too.... Thanks to friends and family for putting up with me.

(Sgd.) President of the Philippines

The New Immigrant Checklist

October 20, 2009
Malacanan Palace

You've waited your whole life for this. You blame God for bringing you in this world too early. You've watched them all leave, cousins, aunt, uncles, your siblings, parents, your friends, people you know, even that kid who used to pay you to make them their English paper back in High School. All gone. Except you. Then, after you've put that petition in the back of your head, after refusing countless marriage proposals because of your petition....ITS HERE. YOU ARE COMING TO AMERICA.

WELCOME TO AMERICA SUCKER. HOPEFULLY ALL YOUR GIMIK DAYS ARE OVER.

Finally Uncle Sam has allowed you to join the rest of us in America to share in our misery....yey!

You've waited, paid an exorbitant amount. Passed the interview, got a plane ticket. THAT'S THE EASY PART. The hard part? What to do in the first few days of your new life in the US of A. How to live? What to bring? For those and more....

Here's a checklist. Print it. Love it. Live it.

- Do I need to tell you again? ABSOFREAKINGLUTELY no Balikbayan boxes. Why? read here

- I know you wanna be nice and all but really, no canned food as pasalubongs. No Century tuna caldereta, adobo, menudo, lechon paksiw or whatever flavor it comes in nowadays. If you guys don't know yet, everything you guys have in the Philippines, we can get here in the States. Not as cheap yes, but we have it. Now if you are going to be able to smuggle something like lanzones, or atis, or siniguelas...I'LL TAKE IT. Otherwise, it's ok. Save your money.

- If you're a smoker, quit. But if you can't, bring cigarettes. Bring as much cigarettes as you can to last you until you get your first paycheck. It's 6.50 a pack here in California, where your 80 dollars of pocket money can only buy you approximately 12 packs or so. That will only last you for like what a month? There's nothing more depressing than you in the cold, in a strange place, with no job, homesick, and you can't even buy a damn cigarette. Now that's sad.

$6.50 SA INYONG MGA SUKING TINDAHAN

- Control yourself. So you're in the party to celebrate your arrival in to the United States. Then you mingle, and unfortunately you come across Mang Berting, the know-it-all-ispokening-inglis-been in the States for 30 years and he starts talking about what you need to do to survive in the USA. Then after 3 seconds of listening to him you realize that he's a fucking idiot. You say to yourself, how in god's green earth did this guy get here? How did he pass the immigration interview. There's a lot of his kind around here, don't be shocked. Now do you tell him to shut his trap and you're better than him? No. Everyone knows he's a jerk. Keep it to yourself and don't try to engage. YOU WILL NOT WIN. Smile and be polite, oh and always say thank you. Americans have an obsession in saying thank you. Thank you for jerking me over...thank you for being an asshole, thank you for making me realize how much of a sorry ass life I've been living in the Philippines. No matter how much its killing you inside, try to stay in his good graces because he might slip you a 50 dollar bill or so and.....

- Network. You know Mang Berting? That dude is going to help you get your new job. That's the most important thing this a1 a-hole can give you. Since he's been here the longest, he knows people, and as we all know everyone needs friends in high places to get to anywhere you want to go. The more people you know, the more chances you get to contribute to your Social Security the fastest.

- Pack light. Remember I said no canned stuff right? For a number of reasons. It saves you from pulling a muscle or breaking a bone, and it gives you much needed space on your suitcase, and it avoids cluttering the house of your relative who you are going to stay with, who I bet lives in clutter already. You will soon discover how easy it is to accumulate junk in america. Why do you think you got two electric vegetable choppers in the LBC cargo? Bring the essentials: toiletries, underwear (and lots of it), oh and of course clothes.

- Clothes that you can wear for a job interview and not the purple parka from ukay ukay. There's a reason why you got it from ukay ukay. We don't want it back in our shores. And unless your going to ALASKA, or the EAST COAST in the middle of winter, please, I'm begging you..no leather JACKETS. On second thought, even IF you're going to ALASKA or the EAST COAST no LEATHER JACKETS. Leather jackets are totally unacceptable in any aircraft. FAA rules. Unless of course you are headed to SAUDI Arabia........which in that case, a mandatory gold chain is a must to be worn.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

- Learn how to drive. For this reason alone, you do not want to use public transportation in the United States. Besides buses are not readily available, and there are no tricycles, pedicabs, padyaks or the like to take your lazy fat ass a few blocks like you were used to back in the Philippines. But more importantly, after all the hullaballoo and excitement of your arrival in America has died down, no one in their right mind will be willing to drive you to your 4th trip to Salvation Army on a perfect Sunday afternoon.

THE DMV TEST. HOPEFULLY YOU'LL PASS IT ON THE 4TH TRY.

- Establish credit ASAP. The only ones who do not have debt are infants, or drug dealers unless you count their debt from the dope growers or manufacturers. For better and for worse, America is being run by credit. Your whole existence depends on how much credit you have or can get. So your first paycheck, forget about that cologne someone in the Philippines wants you to get them. Get a secured credit card and maybe with that you can get that cologne, or sunglasses or whatever the heck you promised someone back in the islands.

- Just because you worked at a call center does not give you the power to flaunt your "American accent" around these parts. Especially kung tinatagalog ka na. Kung sa Pilipinas eh elib na elib sila sayo, pagdating dito , maiirita sayo. Believe me, nothing more gets to people's nerves than listening to someone who is trying so hard to get the American accent down. Because you know what, you might be able to fool someone for a few seconds, but lalabas at lalabas den yan. As long as your grammar is ok, (you dont even have to be scholarly) you'll be fine.

- GET A J-O-B. Eventually. You just got to. I don't even have to put this on the list this really.

(Sgd.) President of the Philippines.

Fight on San Francisco Muni Bus

Thuis happened today, on a 30 stockton Muni bus in San Francisco plying the Chinatown route. I don't condone violence (usually) but this is something you got to see....



The racial undertone of this video is an eye opener.

My Eight Day Philippine Adventure

Last June I went on an eight day action packed vacation back to the Philippines. I have written about it on this blog months ago as you all know but now here's the video to prove it. ENJOY!

PART 1 SFO-MANILA



PART 2 BORACAY



STAY TUNED FOR PART 3!!

(Sgd.) President of the Philippines

A Star

25 September 2009
Malacanan Palace

Here's a video of my BFF, Jet Aquino, one of the nicest and most talented people I know. Hopefully you get the same enjoyment I do when I watch him.

And to my BFF....stay happy. (Painom ka naman!)



Follow his channel on Youtube, facebook, friendster, and you can also follow him home in Daly City.

Spoiler Alert: Tayong Dalawa Grand Finale Revealed

24 September 2009
Malacanan Palace

The most anticipated teleserye ending in recent years has come. Tonight, Friday is the last telecast of the epic, non ending drama Tayong Dalawa. The show has consistently rated pretty well for ABS CBN, even topping the ratings game in the coveted Mega Manila in a few occassions.

The premise is pretty simple, the classic teleserye formula followed by all of its predecessors: love triangle, family conflict, betrayal, murder, deceit, violence, etc. You know stuff the ordinary pinoy can relate to. Thats why it is no secret that this show has commanded a strong following in the Philippines and most specially the bored TFC subscribers all over the world.

So it should not be a surprise to anyone that tonight being its final episode, everyone is wondering what is going to happen to the story. How is this epic going to end.

Leave it up to me to find out.

So Audrey dies, big freaking deal. You did'nt see that happening? How can a stick figure of a woman like a Kim Chiu can bear a child? She barely weighs 55 pounds. That alone should've been a give away to all of you. The child ate all of Audrey's insides, all her nutrients, which caused her death, plain and simple. So in that sense, the writers are only following what science would tell us if it did happen in real life. Kudos to the writers for researching and actually following what would scientifically happen if a person like Kim Chiu ever gets pregnant.

So now that Audrey is out of the picture it makes it easy for the writers to focus on the remaining characters in the story since as I have pointed out in previous entries, and as all of you who watches it regularly already know they have all died. And for those who has lost count let me recap the casualties of this program.

MYLENE DIZON - DEAD
DAVID GARCIA SR. - DEAD
JIRO MANIO - DEAD
HELEN GAMBOA - DEAD
ALESSANDRA DE ROSSI - DEAD
GINA PARENO - DEAD
KIM CHIU - DEAD

Now I'm not sure what happened to Robert Arevalo's character but he probably is already dead. Same as that girl who plays Kim Chiu's best friend, the girl who I'm not sure if she has a lisp, or mali-mali, or both. I mean if she is still alive, I will make sure she joins Audrey.

So you guys see a pattern here? The writers obviously enjoy death. I have never seen a show with that many deaths in a single program. I do understand why though, and it boils down to onw thing: ECONOMICS. It is cheaper to kill a character, and you can use the same props over and over again. Same coffin, same lights, crucifix, rosary, the whole nine yards.

Having said that, this is what is going to happen. They will stay true to the show's title: TAYONG DALAWA. And since Audrey is dead, naturally Gerald has absolutely no one to say the words tayong dalawa to. So what happens? And from a leakage direct from one of the assistant to the assistant writers of the show, here is the tragic end to the story.

JR dies....

A violent death.....

same as Marlene, Ramon, Tita, Lola Lily and Ula.

On their way to the warehouse, Tita, Lola Lily and Ula dies as their vehicle, driven by Lola Lily swerves and careens off a cliff, killing all three of them. Then in the last confrontation scene with JR, Ramon, Dave and Marlene, after they all deliver their melodramatic dialogues, Marlene played by Cherrie Pie Picache accidentally sits on a bomb as she tries to move her fat ass away from the bullets fired by all of her sons. As the bomb explodes, the camera shows dismembered body parts of Ramon, JR and Marlene.

And from the smoke Dave rises.

PAKAMOT MO KAY INGRID, DAVE

As he struggles to collect all the scattered body parts of all his family members, and as he tries to come to terms with his emotions, from the left side we hear some clicking of heels....

Enter Ingrid...

Lady in red, with eyes enough to make you sweat, topless.....

MAMA......

The theme of Tayong Dalawa by Gary Valenciano blaring in the background Dave looks at Ingrid and says......

"Mama.....anong ginagawa mo dito? Patay na silang lahat....Nag iisa na ako...."

And to which Ingrid says:

"Hindi Dave, andito pa ako, angkinin mo ako.....TAYONG DALAWA"

Then as any warm blooded mammal would do, Dave who first practiced incest when he put the moves on his brother's GF Audrey, proceeded to satisfy his incestuous urges towards Ingrid, his adoptive mom. And as the camera pans up and down Ingrid's naked body.....the show ends.

Then credits roll, then bloopers. The end.

So there you have it folks, the ending to Tayong Dalawa. After wasting 9 months of your life, hopefully this ending would be one to satisfy everyones curiosity.

(Sgd.) President of the Philippines

Goodbye old friend

Malacanan Palace
23 September 2009

Today someone special said farewell to me. After 11 years of service, my trusted, hardworking 52 inch Projection TV has finally said goodbye. It has been sick for a while, it needs a nice gentle yank of the video cable for it to work, but tonight, it finally stopped what it was meant to do, provide mindless entertainment for the nourishment of my soul.

GOODBYE OLD FRIEND. YOU WILL BE MISSED.

For now it sits in the same corner of my room where it has been perched for the past year, watching me as I watch him, and continues on even if I had enough of him for the night. He never wavered even if I cuss the shit out of him when my beloved Warriors are getting pummeled by an opposing team for the umpteenth time. He's just there, calm and collected when the kids around the house use him as a hiding place for their games. He never complained, nary a word.

You were never hurt nor bitter when you moved from being the centerpiece of the house to my bedroom, all you can thing about is how now you can get closer to me, putting me to bed. And for that my heart bleeds.

Who do I turn to when I am lazy to get my ass to the living room to watch TV? Yes the TV in the living room is HD, but do people even fathom how hard it is to walk to the living room at 3 in the morning? You do know Mr. 52, you know.

Your 52 inches of enormousness gave me a new dimension in watching TV programs most specially pornography. You made pornography more than just titillating but mind boggling. 52 inches of bodies banging in full color really blows the mind, and for that I thank you.

I will miss having him around, as he witnessed a lot of triumphs and failures in my life the past eleven years. Although I have 3 other television sets lying around the house, he definitely is my favorite. He was more than just an inanimate object, he was a friend.

I might have declared your death premature since there is still sound coming out of you but I have decided to let go, not to prolong your suffering. There are no doctors that can see you, unfortunately in this country there is no Mang Berting na mangagawa ng TV to come to our house and see you like how it is in the Philippines.

As I grieve your loss, one thing comes to mind: How do I give you a decent funeral? or rather how do I haul your 1000 pound ass off three flights of stairs to our complex' dumpster? Again my old friend, thanks and may the gods in electronic heaven welcome you in their kingdom.

(Sgd.) President of the Philippines

Top 10 Hottest Pinays in Politics

Malacanan Palace
14 Sept 2009

You have seen the title, and now you want the evidence. These are the women who always leaves something to the imagination. You wont see them in skimpy bikinis anytime soon, you may not hear them having any breast augmentation surgery or anything like that but they are undoubtedly, undeniably hot.

And to prove my point........

power+breast augmentation+swimwear

Lol. Sorry about that. The woman above will not be in any hot list not unless you are really sick and perverted beyond belief. Again my apologies just couldnt resist it. Lol. Well here is the list of powerful and hot women in Philippine politics.

Everyone on the list is currently holding an elective office or running for one. I have excluded movie stars turned politicians like Vilma Santos and Aiko Melendez. So here goes.... Now drool!

10. Lea Dizon

Who? Well this broad is about to be Lito Lapid's leading lady in the local elections of Pampanga in 2010. This is how she was described online when she was announced as a candidate for vice governor:

It was a surprise announcement that his “leading lady,” as he called her, is the comely 5'8” Ms. Lea Dizon, heiress and only daughter of the late Don Tomas Dizon and his widow, Luding Singian vda. De Dizon of Porac town.

Attractive with high cheek bone and slanted eyes, she has the looks of a Mandarin’s daughter, a unique Chinese persona with thin and stern lips that picture discipline and leadership.

Say what you want about Lapid, but picking the hot leading ladies is one skill that has not escaped him.

9. Abby Binay

With big bright eyes and a rockin body (and look at them twins!) this solon from Makati is a cross between two of the classic sexpots of the 70s and 80s, Elizabeth Oropesa and Maria Isabel Lopez.

8. Risa Hontiveros

What is the biggest contribution of the party list system to our country? Representing marginalized sectors of society? Maybe. But for me its Risa Hontiveros. She is fiesty, a bitch almost, and goddamn it i like it! Nothing else says hot than a woman who can eat you alive.

7. Marides Fernando

BF's GF, (yes wife) is as cute as a button. Then look at this picture. Look at this closely...SUSO...SALAT...DIBDIB. Yeah I know its a breast cancer awareness ad but again... a cute woman + suso + salat + dibdib = lotion and lock the door.

6. Darlene Custodio

Currently starring in the teleserye Tayong Dalawa as Greta... Ohwait no? Oh yeah that's right, this US born congresswoman was the last person to beat Manny Pacquiao in anything. Tiny, smart and oozing with sex appeal. Just the right combination to make this list.

5. Sally Ponce-Enrile

The utter definition of the acronym MILF. Not the rebel group, but you know... MILF. So to kids out there here's another motivation for you little fuckers to go to school. Even if your ugly as a mother fucker, go to school and excel, get a job, make money then get a wife like this. Because you know, women as hot and yummy as these, they only go for those who carries an American Express Black in their back pockets.

4. Shalani Soledad

She is young, ambitious, fresh, smart and so damn hottt! Lowest ranking public official on the list, (Valenzuela City councilor) but has the potential to skyrocket as the First Lady of the country if BF Noynoy wins the presidency. Always on the recieving end of Kris Aquino's snide remarks, hottie Shalani always manages to keep her poise under pressure. Does not Kris realize that if and when Noynoy and Shalani get hitched, Shalani will provide one factor that is lost in all of the hullaballoo. The beautification of the Aquino clan.

3. Loren Legarda

By now you must have figured out how perverted I must be. And just to prove that point even further, yes Loren Legarda at those 10pm World Tonight newscasts got me through my raging hormones in my teenage years. I regularly watched the news but was utterly clueless on what really was happening until I realized that fantasizing about your news reader does that to you.

2. Pia Cayetano

Why do I watch senate hearings on ANC? Well first to see if Lito Lapid is sleeping in the session hall, what Senator Lacson is up to, and will the hot senator Cayetano would grab the microphone with her hands and slowly open her mouth and start to talk. I know she mustve said something life saving and important but her grabbing that mic and opening her mouth is one of the greatest public service acts she has ever done in her political career. Did I mention that senate hearings are usually aired live at around 3am where I live? Well there, I rest my case.

1. Nikki Prieto

Look I'm not likely to vote her husband for president but the prospect of her being the hottest first lady in the world can not be discounted. Nik, as I fondly call her (in my dreams mostly) can certainly give France's Carla Sarkosy a run for her money. Can't blame Gibo for gunning for the highest office of the land, the dude just wants to put his wife in her proper place, as the number 1 woman in the land.

To those who hate Gibo listen. The guy is a pilot, has money, has power, is educated, and yes if everything else fails, he has a super hot wife to go home to. Now eat your hearts out Manny Villar and Noli De Castro!

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines

SUNDOT KULANGOT (quick look on news around you)

MALACANAN PALACE
31 August 2009

Judy Ann Santos and Sarah Geronimo to make a movie together.
To capitalize on the afternoon teleserye Kambal sa Uma, the title of the Juday Sarah G movie will be: Kambal sa Pisngi. Also starring Cherrie Pie Picache and Roxanne Guinoo. Charice Pempengco might do a cameo.

Kris Aquino to style brother Noynoy.
How about giving the guy a haircut first Kris? Shave that ghastly comb over already.

Show me the Manny premieres on TV.
I watched it, and its an hour of my life I won't ever get back. Fuck.

I declare everything I own - Mikey Arroyo.
Yeah uhuh, suuuuuuure.

Boobs ni Gretchen nagpupumiglas.
Let me set them free

No cheating in 2010, poll aspirants vow
Yeah uhuh, suuuuuuure.

Nadia Montenegro has no plan of managing the career of daughter Inah.
Me career?

Carlo J Caparas to run as senator.
Putang ina naman talaga oo!

Tayong Dalawa increases PMA applications
What's next? Mas dadami ang mga menor de edad na mabubuntis dahil sa Katorse?

First Gentleman, GMA must explain role. - Gordon
Asa ka pa.

Japeth Aguilar nixes PBA, plays for Smart Gilas
May PBA pa?

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines

MTRCB, Online Petitioners....LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!

Malacanan Palace
28 August 2009

The continuing saga of the Wowowee incident has taken a new life , as reports has surfaced that Willie Revillame is now seriously considering running for an elective office in the national elections of 2010. As expected, a good number of politicians are now enticing Revillame to be part of their ticket either running as Senator or WORSE, VICE PRESIDENT OF THE PHILIPPINES.

PLEASE GOD NO. PARANG AWA NYO NA.

This came about as ABS-CBN has extended Revillame's exile from the show until September 29. Here is the network's official statement:

In the interest of self-regulation, ABS-CBN has availed of the conciliation process under Section 6, Rule 7, of the MTRCB Rules of Procedures, regarding the incidents involving Mr. Willie Revillame in the Program Wowowee. After having considered the facts, issues and terms of self-regulation to be imposed in the pertinent cases, the MTRCB has approved the same.

WHEREOF, the ABS-CBN shall undertake to perform the following:

1. Extend Mr. Revillame’s leave until 20 September 2009, and

2. Remove the present dance segment of Luningning and Saicy.

FURTHER, ABS-CBN reiterates that it is fully aware of its legal and moral responsibilities as a broadcaster and shall undertake to continue to uphold the values and customs of the Filipino viewing public.

OMFG. Really. Let me say it again. OMFG. Who is to blame for all of this? The online petition to oust Willie from Wowowee and the inutile MTRCB.

If we had just let Willie do whatever he does in his own little show, and live in his own little world, everything would be fine and dandy. he could satisfy his narcissistic tendencies in his show with the old little ladies, TFC subscribers and those who allow themselves to be ridiculed for 5,000 pesos, this would have never happened. Now Revillame's ego has been shot and he is thinking in his puny little brain of his that winning an election would be the best way for him to massage his massive ego. And you know whats scary folks? Willie might just win. Fuck me.

Now all of us has to suffer. Thanks Mr. Saguisag (online petitioner) Thanks MTRCB. Diyos ko naman, tigilan na natin si Willie. Ayan tuloy kung ano ano ang kagagaguhang iniisip. Are Lito Lapid and Bong Revilla not enough? Kung ayaw nyo kay Willie punyeta wag kayong manood. AYAN TULOY MADADAMAY NA TAYONG MGA PILIPINO.

STOP IT! BRING WILLIE BACK LAGUARDIA!!!

I probably do not need to enumerate the things that could, would or will happen if Willie holds public office. Para doon sa mga hindi ma gets, here read it: WILLIE REVILLAME VICE PRESIDENT OF THE PHILIPPINES.

So let me say this. WILLIE PLEASE COME BACK TO WOWOWEE. We goddamn miss you. Please entertain us (gulp*) again. Sing those songs that make us realize how beautiful life is. No one would really stop you if you just barge in in your show right? Just go. Stop thinking. Don't you miss the adulation of millions and millions of your minions?

Lesson to be learned here people. Mag isip ng milyong beses bago gumawa ng isang bagay. That online petition was well and good on the surface, but look at what it has taken us. The prospect of Revillame being Vice President of the Philippines. May God help us all.

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines

Executive Order 7: Abolition of Field Demonstration in Schools

Malacanan Palace
17 July 2009

SUBJECT: Abolition of Field Demonstrations in Schools.

WHEREAS, Field demonstrations are always the centerpiece of every foundation day disregarding the fact that this activity is nothing but torture and is borderline exploitative of young children.

WHEREAS, More often than not, songs used for this exercise are of the lamest and the gayest kind such as Rico Mambo and any Madonna or Michael Jackson song in the 80s, Cant Touch this or New Kids on the Block/Backstreet Boys in the 90s and 00's and now the equally annoying Jai Ho of the past year or two.

WHEREAS, Field demonstrations serves no purpose whatsoever and only states the obvious. The only ones who enjoy prancing under 100 degree heat in ridiculous costumes are confused or already GAY.

THIRD KID. DEFINITELY GAY

WHEREAS, Generations upon generations of school children have been suffering from the embarrassment that is field demonstrations causing long lasting emotional trauma.

WHEREAS, Contrary to what people think, field demos are NOT cute, plain and simple and has no place in a civilized society.

Educators and school administrators who will be found guilty of disregarding this order will be subject to the same humiliation our kids are subjected to. Then probably they will finally understand WTF they are asking kids to do.

As the President of the greatest country in the universe, by the power vested in me, and by the power of grayskull, I hereby declare this executive order effective immediately.

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines
26 August 2009

Who should take Willie's place on Wowowee?

15 August 2009

My first response to this question should be: "WHO CARES!" Who really has time to watch? Or who does? Until I remembered that when Willie Revillame disrespected the late President Cory Aquino in that August 4 show, two of my aunts and a cousin were actually in the studios of ABS-CBN watching the show live.

BYE BYE WOWOWEE?

So yes, I recorded the said show on my DVR. So imagine my shock when instead of seeing my relatives give it their all for an attempt of face time on TV, I got to see the blasphemous act done by Mr. Revillame. And after watching the show approximately 17 times, even the staunchest Revillame apologist would agree that it will take close to a miracle for Willie to get out of it.

With that outburst, people rushed to crucify Revillame and we all know what happened after that. He apologized, and now is "indefinitely suspended" by ABS-CBN. And now according to reports, Willie is even considering leaving the show altogether.

KAWAWA-WEE?

Whether you like it or not Revilllame has a massive fan base of mostly elderly overseas Filipinos, and the poorest of the poor who sadly enough are the ones always exploited on the show. If reports are accurate the guy makes a million pesos per show to ply his garbage everyday on national television. He is so huge he is not merely a name, he is a figure of speech, a part of the national lexicon, a state of mind.

Nowadays, it is not uncommon to hear kids say "Mommy is kuya winillie revillame na naman ako kaya ako natalo!" Or guys going: "pare wala namang willie revillamehan ng shota" further proof of how this guy's enormous stature.

So now the question is: Should Wowowee cease to exist? or Who should take Willie's place on Wowowee.

HE LIKES DICK

Roderick Paulate - Experienced host, veteran comedian and more importantly has managed to become less annoying over the years to the point that he is actually watchable. Another plus for the guy who likes dick, I mean the guy who we call Dick, he doesn't mumble his words, we can actually understand what he's saying unlike Willie who resorts to yelling all the time.

CONVENTIONAL CHOICE

Randy Santiago - One of Willie's fillers when he's unavailable. The safe choice. But there lies the problem. SAFE = Boring. Also he is such a good friend of Willie, I just dont think he could take his job from him. But of course, we've seen friendships crushed this way in reel and real life.

VOVOVEE?

Vhong Navarro - If he replaces Willie, it would be seamless. The opening spiel Giling-Giling could just be replaced by Pamela Wan, and they could even replace the shows' title from Wowowee to Vovovee. He can provide energy that could be entertaining in noontime. Can you imagine him and Luningning in a dance showdown? Well you go ahead and imagine that, I won't. Vhong is young, the dude can dance and just like noontime hosts Vic Sotto, Joey de Leon, and Willie himself has sired children from different women already. Further proof that he belongs in that exclusive company.

WHERE ARE YOU?

Bayani Agbayani - Before we consider him as Willie's replacement we got to find out first where the hell he is. What? Where? He is still alive? OK then.

WOULD HE DO IT AGAIN?

Arnell Ignacio - He actually has replaced Willie when he got canned from that "Sana Ma-divirginize ka na" remark from Magandang Tanghali Bayan. Ignacio found out that doing this gig, and competing head-to-head versus the three headed monster that is TVJ is insurmountable. Would he do it again? Highly doubtful but he is not really doing anything right now so maybe.

HOW MUCH WOULD IT TAKE ALLAN?

Allan K - A longshot. But some to think of it, Tito Vic and Joey started off as hosts of Eat Bulaga's rival show in the 70s and 80s' Student Canteen. What would make Allan K jump ship and face the kings of noontime? As we say, everyone has a price. Would Allan K bite?

IS HE READY FOR NOONTIME?

Ryan Agoncillo - Out of left field replacement for Willie. Observers might say a little too conyo for such a "masa" show until you realize the guy is the host of the number 1 Saturday show "Talentadong Pinoy" on TV5, and IS married to Judy Ann Santos. What can be more masa than that? Although would he dare face Eat Bulaga, where he maintains a good relationship with TVJ? He was even in the Iskul Bukol reunion movie. We'll see.

YOU'RE OK POKIE.

Pokwang - I have seen the show while Willie was gone and I have to say Pokwang is handling the job admirably. Which is sad because if Willie wasnt such a camera hog, we would have realized Pokwangs' talents sooner. Although she is doing her best, I dont think she could sustain doing this by herself. For now yes, but sooner or later the TFC subsriber lolos and lolas would start looking for Willie himself. By the way if were going to rename the show Vovovee for Vhong Navarro, we should rename the show Pokpokkee for Pokwang.

Other names that could be given consideration would be John Lloyd Cruz, Billie Crawford or even coaxing the APO Hiking Society from semi-retirement. But who are we kidding? Anyone who thinks ABS-CBN would replace Willie are out of their minds. He holds such clout (or maybe even dirty little secrets?) in the Lopez' group that if he gets permanently replaced, it would surely be the biggest shocker in Philippine television history. So just wait a little bit, and when the clamor for his head dies down watch him come back and reclaim his place in noontime.

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines