Executive order No 2: Reconfiguration of the Filipino alphabet

Malacanan Palace, Manila
By The President of the Philippines

Executive Order No. 2
Reconfiguration of the Filipino Alphabet (Alpabetong Filipino)

WHEREAS, The inclusion of a new letter "Pf" (pronounced Puh-ff) in the new Filipino Alphabet is necessary for the avoidance of Filipino English speakers mixing up their P's for their F's and vice versa.

WHEREAS, The new letter is necessary in protecting the egos of Filipinos by reiterating to their brainwashed selves that they are indeed the best English speaking people in the world, better than British, Australians, Asian-Indians, Canadians, and Americans.

WHEREAS, Pending feedback, another letter for consideration is the three-letter letter "Tch" which is commonly used by Willie Revillame when he mentions Channel Tchew (two) or Tchew (two) Million Pesos.



Therefore, I the President of the greatest country in the whole wide universe the Philippines, by the powers vested in me and by the power of grayskull hereby order:

SECTION 1. All childrens' programs including all re runs of the show Batibot shall start singing the alphabet song with the new letter Pf, just like when they added the letter Ng to the English Alphabet and called it the new Alpabetong Filipino.

SECTION 2. Effective immediately the Philippines can also be spelled as Pfilipfpfines, and the pfopfular nursery rhyme Peter Piper as Pfeter Pfipfer pficked a pfeck of pfickled pfepfpfers; A pfeck of pfickled pfepfpfers Pfeter Pfipfer pficked; If Pfeter Pfipfer pficked a pfeck of pfickled pfepfpfers, Where's the pfeck of pfickled pfepfpfers Pfeter Pfipfer pficked?

SECTION 3. The Department of Education (Dep-Ed) will spearhead this campaign and will be alloted 50 million pesos for the said project where 49.95 million of which would surely vanish in thin air.

SECTION 4. Smirks and giggles will now be prohibited when your Tita Ging tells you to go with her to the "fark to fick some plowers."

SECTION 5. This Order takes effect immediately.

Manila, 25 April 2009
(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines