Friday, September 25, 2009

A Star

25 September 2009
Malacanan Palace

Here's a video of my BFF, Jet Aquino, one of the nicest and most talented people I know. Hopefully you get the same enjoyment I do when I watch him.

And to my BFF....stay happy. (Painom ka naman!)

Follow his channel on Youtube, facebook, friendster, and you can also follow him home in Daly City.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Spoiler Alert: Tayong Dalawa Grand Finale Revealed

24 September 2009
Malacanan Palace

The most anticipated teleserye ending in recent years has come. Tonight, Friday is the last telecast of the epic, non ending drama Tayong Dalawa. The show has consistently rated pretty well for ABS CBN, even topping the ratings game in the coveted Mega Manila in a few occassions.

The premise is pretty simple, the classic teleserye formula followed by all of its predecessors: love triangle, family conflict, betrayal, murder, deceit, violence, etc. You know stuff the ordinary pinoy can relate to. Thats why it is no secret that this show has commanded a strong following in the Philippines and most specially the bored TFC subscribers all over the world.

So it should not be a surprise to anyone that tonight being its final episode, everyone is wondering what is going to happen to the story. How is this epic going to end.

Leave it up to me to find out.

So Audrey dies, big freaking deal. You did'nt see that happening? How can a stick figure of a woman like a Kim Chiu can bear a child? She barely weighs 55 pounds. That alone should've been a give away to all of you. The child ate all of Audrey's insides, all her nutrients, which caused her death, plain and simple. So in that sense, the writers are only following what science would tell us if it did happen in real life. Kudos to the writers for researching and actually following what would scientifically happen if a person like Kim Chiu ever gets pregnant.

So now that Audrey is out of the picture it makes it easy for the writers to focus on the remaining characters in the story since as I have pointed out in previous entries, and as all of you who watches it regularly already know they have all died. And for those who has lost count let me recap the casualties of this program.


Now I'm not sure what happened to Robert Arevalo's character but he probably is already dead. Same as that girl who plays Kim Chiu's best friend, the girl who I'm not sure if she has a lisp, or mali-mali, or both. I mean if she is still alive, I will make sure she joins Audrey.

So you guys see a pattern here? The writers obviously enjoy death. I have never seen a show with that many deaths in a single program. I do understand why though, and it boils down to onw thing: ECONOMICS. It is cheaper to kill a character, and you can use the same props over and over again. Same coffin, same lights, crucifix, rosary, the whole nine yards.

Having said that, this is what is going to happen. They will stay true to the show's title: TAYONG DALAWA. And since Audrey is dead, naturally Gerald has absolutely no one to say the words tayong dalawa to. So what happens? And from a leakage direct from one of the assistant to the assistant writers of the show, here is the tragic end to the story.

JR dies....

A violent death.....

same as Marlene, Ramon, Tita, Lola Lily and Ula.

On their way to the warehouse, Tita, Lola Lily and Ula dies as their vehicle, driven by Lola Lily swerves and careens off a cliff, killing all three of them. Then in the last confrontation scene with JR, Ramon, Dave and Marlene, after they all deliver their melodramatic dialogues, Marlene played by Cherrie Pie Picache accidentally sits on a bomb as she tries to move her fat ass away from the bullets fired by all of her sons. As the bomb explodes, the camera shows dismembered body parts of Ramon, JR and Marlene.

And from the smoke Dave rises.


As he struggles to collect all the scattered body parts of all his family members, and as he tries to come to terms with his emotions, from the left side we hear some clicking of heels....

Enter Ingrid...

Lady in red, with eyes enough to make you sweat, topless.....


The theme of Tayong Dalawa by Gary Valenciano blaring in the background Dave looks at Ingrid and says......

"Mama.....anong ginagawa mo dito? Patay na silang lahat....Nag iisa na ako...."

And to which Ingrid says:

"Hindi Dave, andito pa ako, angkinin mo ako.....TAYONG DALAWA"

Then as any warm blooded mammal would do, Dave who first practiced incest when he put the moves on his brother's GF Audrey, proceeded to satisfy his incestuous urges towards Ingrid, his adoptive mom. And as the camera pans up and down Ingrid's naked body.....the show ends.

Then credits roll, then bloopers. The end.

So there you have it folks, the ending to Tayong Dalawa. After wasting 9 months of your life, hopefully this ending would be one to satisfy everyones curiosity.

(Sgd.) President of the Philippines

Goodbye old friend

Malacanan Palace
23 September 2009

Today someone special said farewell to me. After 11 years of service, my trusted, hardworking 52 inch Projection TV has finally said goodbye. It has been sick for a while, it needs a nice gentle yank of the video cable for it to work, but tonight, it finally stopped what it was meant to do, provide mindless entertainment for the nourishment of my soul.


For now it sits in the same corner of my room where it has been perched for the past year, watching me as I watch him, and continues on even if I had enough of him for the night. He never wavered even if I cuss the shit out of him when my beloved Warriors are getting pummeled by an opposing team for the umpteenth time. He's just there, calm and collected when the kids around the house use him as a hiding place for their games. He never complained, nary a word.

You were never hurt nor bitter when you moved from being the centerpiece of the house to my bedroom, all you can thing about is how now you can get closer to me, putting me to bed. And for that my heart bleeds.

Who do I turn to when I am lazy to get my ass to the living room to watch TV? Yes the TV in the living room is HD, but do people even fathom how hard it is to walk to the living room at 3 in the morning? You do know Mr. 52, you know.

Your 52 inches of enormousness gave me a new dimension in watching TV programs most specially pornography. You made pornography more than just titillating but mind boggling. 52 inches of bodies banging in full color really blows the mind, and for that I thank you.

I will miss having him around, as he witnessed a lot of triumphs and failures in my life the past eleven years. Although I have 3 other television sets lying around the house, he definitely is my favorite. He was more than just an inanimate object, he was a friend.

I might have declared your death premature since there is still sound coming out of you but I have decided to let go, not to prolong your suffering. There are no doctors that can see you, unfortunately in this country there is no Mang Berting na mangagawa ng TV to come to our house and see you like how it is in the Philippines.

As I grieve your loss, one thing comes to mind: How do I give you a decent funeral? or rather how do I haul your 1000 pound ass off three flights of stairs to our complex' dumpster? Again my old friend, thanks and may the gods in electronic heaven welcome you in their kingdom.

(Sgd.) President of the Philippines

Monday, September 14, 2009

Top 10 Hottest Pinays in Politics

Malacanan Palace
14 Sept 2009

You have seen the title, and now you want the evidence. These are the women who always leaves something to the imagination. You wont see them in skimpy bikinis anytime soon, you may not hear them having any breast augmentation surgery or anything like that but they are undoubtedly, undeniably hot.

And to prove my point........

power+breast augmentation+swimwear

Lol. Sorry about that. The woman above will not be in any hot list not unless you are really sick and perverted beyond belief. Again my apologies just couldnt resist it. Lol. Well here is the list of powerful and hot women in Philippine politics.

Everyone on the list is currently holding an elective office or running for one. I have excluded movie stars turned politicians like Vilma Santos and Aiko Melendez. So here goes.... Now drool!

10. Lea Dizon

Who? Well this broad is about to be Lito Lapid's leading lady in the local elections of Pampanga in 2010. This is how she was described online when she was announced as a candidate for vice governor:
It was a surprise announcement that his “leading lady,” as he called her, is the comely 5'8” Ms. Lea Dizon, heiress and only daughter of the late Don Tomas Dizon and his widow, Luding Singian vda. De Dizon of Porac town.

Attractive with high cheek bone and slanted eyes, she has the looks of a Mandarin’s daughter, a unique Chinese persona with thin and stern lips that picture discipline and leadership.

Say what you want about Lapid, but picking the hot leading ladies is one skill that has not escaped him.

9. Abby Binay

With big bright eyes and a rockin body (and look at them twins!) this solon from Makati is a cross between two of the classic sexpots of the 70s and 80s, Elizabeth Oropesa and Maria Isabel Lopez.

8. Risa Hontiveros

What is the biggest contribution of the party list system to our country? Representing marginalized sectors of society? Maybe. But for me its Risa Hontiveros. She is fiesty, a bitch almost, and goddamn it i like it! Nothing else says hot than a woman who can eat you alive.

7. Marides Fernando

BF's GF, (yes wife) is as cute as a button. Then look at this picture. Look at this closely...SUSO...SALAT...DIBDIB. Yeah I know its a breast cancer awareness ad but again... a cute woman + suso + salat + dibdib = lotion and lock the door.

6. Darlene Custodio

Currently starring in the teleserye Tayong Dalawa as Greta... Ohwait no? Oh yeah that's right, this US born congresswoman was the last person to beat Manny Pacquiao in anything. Tiny, smart and oozing with sex appeal. Just the right combination to make this list.

5. Sally Ponce-Enrile

The utter definition of the acronym MILF. Not the rebel group, but you know... MILF. So to kids out there here's another motivation for you little fuckers to go to school. Even if your ugly as a mother fucker, go to school and excel, get a job, make money then get a wife like this. Because you know, women as hot and yummy as these, they only go for those who carries an American Express Black in their back pockets.

4. Shalani Soledad

She is young, ambitious, fresh, smart and so damn hottt! Lowest ranking public official on the list, (Valenzuela City councilor) but has the potential to skyrocket as the First Lady of the country if BF Noynoy wins the presidency. Always on the recieving end of Kris Aquino's snide remarks, hottie Shalani always manages to keep her poise under pressure. Does not Kris realize that if and when Noynoy and Shalani get hitched, Shalani will provide one factor that is lost in all of the hullaballoo. The beautification of the Aquino clan.

3. Loren Legarda

By now you must have figured out how perverted I must be. And just to prove that point even further, yes Loren Legarda at those 10pm World Tonight newscasts got me through my raging hormones in my teenage years. I regularly watched the news but was utterly clueless on what really was happening until I realized that fantasizing about your news reader does that to you.

2. Pia Cayetano

Why do I watch senate hearings on ANC? Well first to see if Lito Lapid is sleeping in the session hall, what Senator Lacson is up to, and will the hot senator Cayetano would grab the microphone with her hands and slowly open her mouth and start to talk. I know she mustve said something life saving and important but her grabbing that mic and opening her mouth is one of the greatest public service acts she has ever done in her political career. Did I mention that senate hearings are usually aired live at around 3am where I live? Well there, I rest my case.

1. Nikki Prieto

Look I'm not likely to vote her husband for president but the prospect of her being the hottest first lady in the world can not be discounted. Nik, as I fondly call her (in my dreams mostly) can certainly give France's Carla Sarkosy a run for her money. Can't blame Gibo for gunning for the highest office of the land, the dude just wants to put his wife in her proper place, as the number 1 woman in the land.

To those who hate Gibo listen. The guy is a pilot, has money, has power, is educated, and yes if everything else fails, he has a super hot wife to go home to. Now eat your hearts out Manny Villar and Noli De Castro!

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines

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