Hangalan 2010: The Countdown (Series 3: Joseph Ejercito Estrada)

Joseph Ejercito Estrada

Party Affiliation: PMP (Partido ng Masang Pilipino)
Current Position: Former President of the Philippines/Actor
DOB: April 19, 1937
Mapua Institute of Technology
Undergraduate
Odds of winning the Presidency: 1-50

Every Filipino knows about him, and naturally everyone can name a reason why NOT to vote for him, but despite that for some masochistic reason, Estrada still possesses that charisma to elicit enough to support to put a scare into the leading candidates for the presidency.

I get Erap. He plays the masa card to the hilt. Uses his thespian skills to charm his way into a crowd after all these years. Can you blame him for exploiting his strengths and hiding his weaknesses?



But I am just hard pressed to believe that those who voted for him when he won the Presidency in a landslide in 1998, would vote for him again after all that he has done in his two plus years in office.

Maybe if I was just a real a-hole and wanted to play a cruel joke on Filipinos I would go Erap, but even with my personality, I just can't do it.

Why can't we have Erap as royalty? Like a King perhaps? or a Sultan? a Datu? He would be perfect for the job. He gets his spending money, gets the prestige of being a King, and the illusion that he is still in government. More importantly, this would satisfy his huge masa following to see him as King.

Whats going for him: As everyone knows, still enjoys massive support from the masses. Charismatic, experienced in government, has huge name recall.

What would hurt him: The disqualification case filed against him, succeeds, effectively prohibiting him from taking office.

Would win if: Villar, Teodoro, Aquino, and Villar take votes from each other, and in fact would just cancel each other out.

MTRCB, Online Petitioners....LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!

Malacanan Palace
28 August 2009

The continuing saga of the Wowowee incident has taken a new life , as reports has surfaced that Willie Revillame is now seriously considering running for an elective office in the national elections of 2010. As expected, a good number of politicians are now enticing Revillame to be part of their ticket either running as Senator or WORSE, VICE PRESIDENT OF THE PHILIPPINES.

PLEASE GOD NO. PARANG AWA NYO NA.

This came about as ABS-CBN has extended Revillame's exile from the show until September 29. Here is the network's official statement:

In the interest of self-regulation, ABS-CBN has availed of the conciliation process under Section 6, Rule 7, of the MTRCB Rules of Procedures, regarding the incidents involving Mr. Willie Revillame in the Program Wowowee. After having considered the facts, issues and terms of self-regulation to be imposed in the pertinent cases, the MTRCB has approved the same.

WHEREOF, the ABS-CBN shall undertake to perform the following:

1. Extend Mr. Revillame’s leave until 20 September 2009, and

2. Remove the present dance segment of Luningning and Saicy.

FURTHER, ABS-CBN reiterates that it is fully aware of its legal and moral responsibilities as a broadcaster and shall undertake to continue to uphold the values and customs of the Filipino viewing public.

OMFG. Really. Let me say it again. OMFG. Who is to blame for all of this? The online petition to oust Willie from Wowowee and the inutile MTRCB.

If we had just let Willie do whatever he does in his own little show, and live in his own little world, everything would be fine and dandy. he could satisfy his narcissistic tendencies in his show with the old little ladies, TFC subscribers and those who allow themselves to be ridiculed for 5,000 pesos, this would have never happened. Now Revillame's ego has been shot and he is thinking in his puny little brain of his that winning an election would be the best way for him to massage his massive ego. And you know whats scary folks? Willie might just win. Fuck me.

Now all of us has to suffer. Thanks Mr. Saguisag (online petitioner) Thanks MTRCB. Diyos ko naman, tigilan na natin si Willie. Ayan tuloy kung ano ano ang kagagaguhang iniisip. Are Lito Lapid and Bong Revilla not enough? Kung ayaw nyo kay Willie punyeta wag kayong manood. AYAN TULOY MADADAMAY NA TAYONG MGA PILIPINO.

STOP IT! BRING WILLIE BACK LAGUARDIA!!!

I probably do not need to enumerate the things that could, would or will happen if Willie holds public office. Para doon sa mga hindi ma gets, here read it: WILLIE REVILLAME VICE PRESIDENT OF THE PHILIPPINES.

So let me say this. WILLIE PLEASE COME BACK TO WOWOWEE. We goddamn miss you. Please entertain us (gulp*) again. Sing those songs that make us realize how beautiful life is. No one would really stop you if you just barge in in your show right? Just go. Stop thinking. Don't you miss the adulation of millions and millions of your minions?

Lesson to be learned here people. Mag isip ng milyong beses bago gumawa ng isang bagay. That online petition was well and good on the surface, but look at what it has taken us. The prospect of Revillame being Vice President of the Philippines. May God help us all.

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines

HANGALAN 2010: The Countdown (Series 2: Loren Legarda)

Loren Legarda

Party Affiliation: NPC (Nationalist People's Coalition)
Current Position: Senator
DOB: January 28, 1960
University of the Philippines
Bachelor of Arts in Broadcast Communication
Odds of winning the Presidency: 1-1000
www.lorenlegarda.com.ph

On a recent state visit by the good senator to the island nation of Maldives, and to the surprise of absolutely nobody, Legarda officially announced her plan to run for the presidency. Well better to do it in Maldives where she is assured of some kind of audience, than in the Philippines where she might have trouble finding someone who would be willing to listen to what she has to say.This former anchorwoman of the English broadcast news program World Tonight is a two term senator and is running on a pro environment platform. (Good luck on that one.)

What's going for her: She is one of the prettiest faces out there, and is an experienced lawmaker. She can also get a good chunk of the women vote since there is no other viable woman candidate out there.

What would hurt her: The "sawa" factor. She seems to be running for some kind of elected position everytime there is an election. By now, it's just kinda annoying. Oh by the way, there's one little thing that might kinda creep up on her.....THIS DUDE

Yeah, you know no matter how hard she tries to distance herself to the former governor, it just does not work that way. It is going to be extremely difficult for the voting public not to think of her former husband's murder conviction when going to the polls. Hey look at it this way, you cut it down to two people to choose from, and with everything being equal who would you go with..the candidate whose better half is not convicted of any crime....or the one whose husband is in jail? Yup. I know its a bit unfair but hey they should know they're politicians after all.

Would win if: If all the other candidates are buried in an earthquake and she manages to survive. Otherwise it would be best for her to slide down to the vice presidency then weasel her way to the presidency. Oh it would also help her if she adpots a nickname. I think she is the only one out there without one. How bout this for a nick name: "EL na EL". Loren "L na L" Legarda for President. Catchy aint it?

HANGALAN 2010: The Countdown to the Presidential Elections of 2010 (Series 1: Manny Villar)

May 2009. A year from now we are going to elect the next President of this country, the next would be savior from a long list of failures who all tried to save us from the depths of despair, but to no avail.

Today up until the 2010 elections, will be the beginning of the first part of many wherein we profile all the presidentiables, everyone who has the audacity to replace me as President of the Philippines. We are all going to get a closer look at the candidates, and with this information hopefully it would enable us to make an informed decision if and when of course the elections of 2010 would come about.

(first of many many parts ang dami kasing tatakbo)

Manuel "Manny" Villar
"Mr. Sipag at Tiyaga"
Party Affiliation: Nacionalista
Hometown: Las Pinas City
Current Position: Senator
Born: December 13, 1949
University of the Philippines
Bachelor of Arts in Business Administration
Odds of Winning the Presidency: 1-50
www.mannyvillar.com.ph

The former Senate President has made it known for quite somehow of his interest to run for the highest office of the land and everyone including his rivals has taken notice of it. The Las Pinero is currently embroiled in a Senate investigation (headed by another presidentiable Ping Lacson) regarding a double entry in the national budget for the C5 road extension in his bailiwick Las Pinas City.

A self made man, Villar made money when he started one of the biggest developers in the Philippines, Camella and Palmera Homes. He is currently ranked 5th richest Filipino by Forbes Magazine.

What's going for him: Well the dude has one of the most important components in running for the presidency: MOOLAH. The guy is going to spend ridiculous amounts of it, no matter if the water runs dry in Camella Homes. Having money and being a successful businessman, there is also that perception that he would not steal money from the coffers of the government since he has too much of it already.

He does have some mass appeal, attributed perhaps for being someone who rose from the common folk to one of the most successful businessmen in the country. Also, his use of Tagalog perhaps endears him to many.

The revitalization of the Nacionalista Party is also a good move as it gives legitimacy to his campaign, instead of running under a party that is hastily made with a stupid acronym, just like what is common during elections.

What would hurt him: A indictment because of the c5 controversy. He needs to get out of this investigation quickly as his opponents will surely capitalize and drag this as long as possible. He also needs to get his spin doctors ready if and when this happens. Also, a complaint of a homeowner from Camella might be detrimental during these times so he needs to make sure that there is water in the subdivision at all times.

Would win if: He shows more of her super cute daughter Camille, and land a big endorsement from one of the country's superstars. We need to see that the future occupants of Malacanang would be at least pleasant looking, one that it's current occupants surely can't claim.

CUTIE FUTURE FIRST DAUGHTER

He also needs to remain relevant in the public's eyes. A nice one on one interview with a talk show would only prove beneficial as he does lack a little bit in the charm department. He needs to start polishing his singing skills as well. Also needs an updated haircut as his hair bothers the hell out of me. He needs to start picking up the pace and create buildup into the campaign season. A big housing give away wouldnt hurt either. (I'll take a condo unit please thank you very much)

Villar has more than a fighter's chance to win the presidency. Money is indeed a great ally in the quest for Malacanang. As attractive as the presidency is, the VP post is one that he could also look at just to complete his license plate collection being a congressman (8), Senator (7), Speaker of the House (4), and Senate President (3).

If I was the president of the philippines....

7,107 islands, a population of 90 million and growing, problems beyond solving....and you want to be president? Why? Well let's get one thing straight. I am not qualified. According to the "bastion of truth" that is wikipedia......

Under Article 7, Section 2 of the Philippine Constitution, in order to serve as President, one must be at least 40 years of age, a registered voter, able to read and write, a Filipino citizen by birth, and a resident of the Philippines for at least 10 years prior to election.

this guy would've been president

So there. I am not qualified. At least not yet. Not even close. But because one is not qualified it certainly does not mean you cannot be president, as history would show. So lets just say for the sake of argument (and this blog for that matter) that in the next 10 years I have amassed a gazillion dollars, became a movie actor/athlete, adopted into a political dynasty, and became a manipulative and compulsive liar/SOB and became president...what the F am I gonna do?

Well one thing's for sure, I am not going to promise to better the economy like a certain foreign educated economist president has colossally failed to do, nor will I magically make poverty vanish, or fix the peace and order situation. (ok that's three but who's counting?) Instead, I am going to implement decrees, or presidential orders that are doable and life altering.

But before I can do all that I would need to take my oath of office first, like a good president would. Then I can start changing the country one post at a time.... Tomorrow my term begins.