Spoiler Alert: Tayong Dalawa Grand Finale Revealed

24 September 2009
Malacanan Palace

The most anticipated teleserye ending in recent years has come. Tonight, Friday is the last telecast of the epic, non ending drama Tayong Dalawa. The show has consistently rated pretty well for ABS CBN, even topping the ratings game in the coveted Mega Manila in a few occassions.

The premise is pretty simple, the classic teleserye formula followed by all of its predecessors: love triangle, family conflict, betrayal, murder, deceit, violence, etc. You know stuff the ordinary pinoy can relate to. Thats why it is no secret that this show has commanded a strong following in the Philippines and most specially the bored TFC subscribers all over the world.

So it should not be a surprise to anyone that tonight being its final episode, everyone is wondering what is going to happen to the story. How is this epic going to end.

Leave it up to me to find out.

So Audrey dies, big freaking deal. You did'nt see that happening? How can a stick figure of a woman like a Kim Chiu can bear a child? She barely weighs 55 pounds. That alone should've been a give away to all of you. The child ate all of Audrey's insides, all her nutrients, which caused her death, plain and simple. So in that sense, the writers are only following what science would tell us if it did happen in real life. Kudos to the writers for researching and actually following what would scientifically happen if a person like Kim Chiu ever gets pregnant.

So now that Audrey is out of the picture it makes it easy for the writers to focus on the remaining characters in the story since as I have pointed out in previous entries, and as all of you who watches it regularly already know they have all died. And for those who has lost count let me recap the casualties of this program.

MYLENE DIZON - DEAD
DAVID GARCIA SR. - DEAD
JIRO MANIO - DEAD
HELEN GAMBOA - DEAD
ALESSANDRA DE ROSSI - DEAD
GINA PARENO - DEAD
KIM CHIU - DEAD

Now I'm not sure what happened to Robert Arevalo's character but he probably is already dead. Same as that girl who plays Kim Chiu's best friend, the girl who I'm not sure if she has a lisp, or mali-mali, or both. I mean if she is still alive, I will make sure she joins Audrey.

So you guys see a pattern here? The writers obviously enjoy death. I have never seen a show with that many deaths in a single program. I do understand why though, and it boils down to onw thing: ECONOMICS. It is cheaper to kill a character, and you can use the same props over and over again. Same coffin, same lights, crucifix, rosary, the whole nine yards.

Having said that, this is what is going to happen. They will stay true to the show's title: TAYONG DALAWA. And since Audrey is dead, naturally Gerald has absolutely no one to say the words tayong dalawa to. So what happens? And from a leakage direct from one of the assistant to the assistant writers of the show, here is the tragic end to the story.

JR dies....

A violent death.....

same as Marlene, Ramon, Tita, Lola Lily and Ula.

On their way to the warehouse, Tita, Lola Lily and Ula dies as their vehicle, driven by Lola Lily swerves and careens off a cliff, killing all three of them. Then in the last confrontation scene with JR, Ramon, Dave and Marlene, after they all deliver their melodramatic dialogues, Marlene played by Cherrie Pie Picache accidentally sits on a bomb as she tries to move her fat ass away from the bullets fired by all of her sons. As the bomb explodes, the camera shows dismembered body parts of Ramon, JR and Marlene.

And from the smoke Dave rises.

PAKAMOT MO KAY INGRID, DAVE

As he struggles to collect all the scattered body parts of all his family members, and as he tries to come to terms with his emotions, from the left side we hear some clicking of heels....

Enter Ingrid...

Lady in red, with eyes enough to make you sweat, topless.....

MAMA......

The theme of Tayong Dalawa by Gary Valenciano blaring in the background Dave looks at Ingrid and says......

"Mama.....anong ginagawa mo dito? Patay na silang lahat....Nag iisa na ako...."

And to which Ingrid says:

"Hindi Dave, andito pa ako, angkinin mo ako.....TAYONG DALAWA"

Then as any warm blooded mammal would do, Dave who first practiced incest when he put the moves on his brother's GF Audrey, proceeded to satisfy his incestuous urges towards Ingrid, his adoptive mom. And as the camera pans up and down Ingrid's naked body.....the show ends.

Then credits roll, then bloopers. The end.

So there you have it folks, the ending to Tayong Dalawa. After wasting 9 months of your life, hopefully this ending would be one to satisfy everyones curiosity.

(Sgd.) President of the Philippines

Of Tita Cory, Tayong Dalawa and John Lloyd Cruz and Ruffa

(Just taking a little break from chronicling my Manila trip.)

Malacanan Palace

First off my heart goes out to Tita Cory. One thing about Tita Cory, despite the Luisita massacre and the hiding under the bed during one of the coup d etats, unless I don't know or given undisputable evidence on the contrary, the former president didnt seem to steal money from our country, a thing none of those who followed her or preceded her can claim.

YOU'RE COOL TITA CORY. YOU'LL BE OK.

Everyone knows the story, housewife who rose to the challenge and lead the country from the dark auspices of the Marcos regime.

She is my favorite Aquino/Cojuangco, and yes that includes Kris, Baby James (is he gonna be called Baby James until he's 20?) Noynoy, Tessie, Peping, Danding, Marlou, and Benedict Aquino. Although Mikee is a close second and I do like the name "Ballsy" especially for a woman!! But in all seriousness, I do hope and pray that she gets better soon. Tita Cory, you will prevail.

MIKEE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS...HAYY....

Oh and not to be malicious or anything but (napansin lang..) Mayor Lim's presence in all of the masses for Tita Cory makes me giggle like fans of the KIMERALD love team.

FRED LOVES CORY = FREDORY?

I'm willing to bet that if Tita Cory did not become president and is not held in such high esteem, Mayor Lim would have put the moves on. Hey theres really nothing wrong with that and I bet you most Filipinos would be happy if this happens.

And speaking of KIMERALD, I have an admission to make. I do watch Tayong Dalawa. BUT TO CLARIFY, It's not like I record each episode on my DVR. Nothing crazy or anything but I do tend to sit and give a few minutes of my time watching it.

WHO IS THAT WOMAN STANDING BESIDE GERALD ANDERSON?

My problem: ITS JUST GETTING TO BE A LITTLE, NO A LOT TOO LOOOOOONG. Look, it is too long half of the original cast members have died already! Mylene Dizon, dead. Baron Geisler, dead. David Garcia Sr., dead. Stanley, dead. Helen Gamboa, dead. Even Gina Pareno is dying! How many more lives would be lost until we finally see the end of this story? I could actually get past several inconsistencies like Jake Cuenca reporting in his office when the big sign behind the desk says "HUKBONG KATIHAN" when he is supposedly serving the ARMY, but I kinda feel like we are just getting taken along for the ride.

I mean why not end it now? (actually they should have ended it when Helen Gamboa died) Then if there is a huge demand for the KIMERALD love team, just do a book two. This story is just too tangled up now and again is just too long. End it now before I just get too pissed off and quit watching it.

And now to the more important issues of the day. JOHN LLOYD CRUZ and Ruffa Gutierrez.

DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO GUYS.

I dont get what the big fuss is all about. Here's a 26-27 year old guy with raging hormones trying to get with a 35 year old Ruffa, who I must admit, with a few beers is certainly a MILF. Don't get me wrong Ruffa is hot but the beers are necessary to block off all thoughts that Ruffa is the daughter of Annabelle Rama.

Look people, John Lloyd probably grew up having one of Ruffa's posters in his wall growing up. The dude is just trying to live out his fantasy. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. I mean as much as JLC would love to pop Sarah Geronimo's cherry, there is no way in God's green earth that is going to happen. Sarah is a prude and will be until the end of time. Now can you blame JLC for going the cougar route?

JOHN LLOYD IS NOT GONNA GET LUCKY WITH THIS GIRL

What kinda bothers me is there are actually paparazzi here in the United States taking pictures of the pair. I know they are public figures but are they really worth megabytes on your precious digital cameras' memory? Really? Maybe if someone paid me I would trail these two, otherwise hell nah.

Other than that, leave the two alone. I mean every dude has a fantasy of getting it on with someone older than you. I mean when I was 13, I along with other boys my age spent nights cradling images of Alice Dixon in my bed. I wanted to see Dyesebel so bad I asked our maid if she wanted to go with me to see it with her security guard boyfriend. All i could think of at that time was topless mermaids + big screen = a good nights' sleep.

So I got no problem with these two doin it. I understand. The nine year difference is nothing. If there's one May-December affair that still bothers me to this day its the Ashton-Demi hookup, aside of course from the classic Nora Aunor-John Rendez tryst years back. If John Lloyd really wants to risk his career for a chance to get it on with Ruffa by all means. One word of advice though bro, make it worthwhile. Blow your brains out.

BTW, Happy 4th of July to everyone and remember this piece of advice: To all those celebrating this special day, remember huwag magpapaputok sa LOOB. Siguraduhing sa labas. DELIKADO at baka maraming madamay. BE SAFE.

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines