Friday, July 31, 2009

Paalam Tita Cory

1933 - 2009



Saturday, July 25, 2009

Move over Freddie, Jason and Chucky... Esther is here.

25 July 2009
Malacanan Palace

Ampon! Ampon! Ampon! Remember when you were six or eight years old and that mean kid from a few houses down would call you that whenever you would pass by their house in your bicycle? What did you do? Some of you probably told your parents, some yelled something back at them, but I bet none of you would push the mean kid off a jungle gym causing the kid to be crippled right? Well not Esther....cause unlike you and me there is something fucking wrong with her.


The movie Orphan which stars Peter Saarsgard and Isabella Fuhrman as Esther is a freaky, scary, sickening and riotous family drama/horror movie if there ever is one. John and Kate (without eight) are a couple trying to adopt after Kate's miscarriage. They meet Esther, an articulate, charming, artistic, well mannered freckle faced nine year old in an orphanage alone painting away while singing glory of love. They talk to Esther, fall in love with her, take her home and all hell breaks loose.

The movie starts off kinda slow, taking its time to introduce you to the whole family, showing us why they act a certain way and their demons that justifies their actions throughout the movie. We find out that Kate is a recovering alcoholic who besides losing her baby, also nearly lost her deaf daughter Max (played beautifully by Aryana Engineer) who nearly drowned in the lake while she was under the influence. The first part also tells us about John's past indiscretion and how much of a stranger he is in his own house which makes him utterly clueless on what is going on with his family. This crack in this family's relationship is what Esther attacks, and she attacks it with horrific impunity.

Watching this movie makes you feel like someone is holding your hand, making you feel safe and when your just feeling a little comfortable goes ahead and shoves you in a cold dark place, with no way out. No matter how hard I try to intellectualize this review, the movie is pure fun. It does not offend your intelligence that much, (it is a horror movie after all and not a historical depiction of an event.) I mean after everything has unravelled you realize that it is all ridiculous but then you also realize you had fun watching it so everything else about it and its ridiculousness becomes passable.

I wouldn't tell you to drop whatever your doing right now and go watch it, but if you have 10 bucks to spare and around two hours, why not treat yourself and someone to a movie. Just do not bring your kid. The movie is scary, but there are scenes here that are REALLY SCARY.

This movie gets 3 out of 5 presidential seals.

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Straight out of the ghetto

22 July 2009

For those who have not heard, here's a little something from youtube to brighten up your day or piss you off. (I'm hoping for the former.) It's pretty self explanatory....ENJOY


(Sgd.)H.E. President of the Philippines

Thursday, July 16, 2009

HANGALAN 2010: The Countdown (Series 2: Loren Legarda)

Loren Legarda

Party Affiliation: NPC (Nationalist People's Coalition)
Current Position: Senator
DOB: January 28, 1960
University of the Philippines
Bachelor of Arts in Broadcast Communication
Odds of winning the Presidency: 1-1000

On a recent state visit by the good senator to the island nation of Maldives, and to the surprise of absolutely nobody, Legarda officially announced her plan to run for the presidency. Well better to do it in Maldives where she is assured of some kind of audience, than in the Philippines where she might have trouble finding someone who would be willing to listen to what she has to say.This former anchorwoman of the English broadcast news program World Tonight is a two term senator and is running on a pro environment platform. (Good luck on that one.)

What's going for her: She is one of the prettiest faces out there, and is an experienced lawmaker. She can also get a good chunk of the women vote since there is no other viable woman candidate out there.

What would hurt her: The "sawa" factor. She seems to be running for some kind of elected position everytime there is an election. By now, it's just kinda annoying. Oh by the way, there's one little thing that might kinda creep up on her.....THIS DUDE

Yeah, you know no matter how hard she tries to distance herself to the former governor, it just does not work that way. It is going to be extremely difficult for the voting public not to think of her former husband's murder conviction when going to the polls. Hey look at it this way, you cut it down to two people to choose from, and with everything being equal who would you go with..the candidate whose better half is not convicted of any crime....or the one whose husband is in jail? Yup. I know its a bit unfair but hey they should know they're politicians after all.

Would win if: If all the other candidates are buried in an earthquake and she manages to survive. Otherwise it would be best for her to slide down to the vice presidency then weasel her way to the presidency. Oh it would also help her if she adpots a nickname. I think she is the only one out there without one. How bout this for a nick name: "EL na EL". Loren "L na L" Legarda for President. Catchy aint it?

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Of Tita Cory, Tayong Dalawa and John Lloyd Cruz and Ruffa

(Just taking a little break from chronicling my Manila trip.)

Malacanan Palace

First off my heart goes out to Tita Cory. One thing about Tita Cory, despite the Luisita massacre and the hiding under the bed during one of the coup d etats, unless I don't know or given undisputable evidence on the contrary, the former president didnt seem to steal money from our country, a thing none of those who followed her or preceded her can claim.


Everyone knows the story, housewife who rose to the challenge and lead the country from the dark auspices of the Marcos regime.

She is my favorite Aquino/Cojuangco, and yes that includes Kris, Baby James (is he gonna be called Baby James until he's 20?) Noynoy, Tessie, Peping, Danding, Marlou, and Benedict Aquino. Although Mikee is a close second and I do like the name "Ballsy" especially for a woman!! But in all seriousness, I do hope and pray that she gets better soon. Tita Cory, you will prevail.


Oh and not to be malicious or anything but (napansin lang..) Mayor Lim's presence in all of the masses for Tita Cory makes me giggle like fans of the KIMERALD love team.


I'm willing to bet that if Tita Cory did not become president and is not held in such high esteem, Mayor Lim would have put the moves on. Hey theres really nothing wrong with that and I bet you most Filipinos would be happy if this happens.

And speaking of KIMERALD, I have an admission to make. I do watch Tayong Dalawa. BUT TO CLARIFY, It's not like I record each episode on my DVR. Nothing crazy or anything but I do tend to sit and give a few minutes of my time watching it.


My problem: ITS JUST GETTING TO BE A LITTLE, NO A LOT TOO LOOOOOONG. Look, it is too long half of the original cast members have died already! Mylene Dizon, dead. Baron Geisler, dead. David Garcia Sr., dead. Stanley, dead. Helen Gamboa, dead. Even Gina Pareno is dying! How many more lives would be lost until we finally see the end of this story? I could actually get past several inconsistencies like Jake Cuenca reporting in his office when the big sign behind the desk says "HUKBONG KATIHAN" when he is supposedly serving the ARMY, but I kinda feel like we are just getting taken along for the ride.

I mean why not end it now? (actually they should have ended it when Helen Gamboa died) Then if there is a huge demand for the KIMERALD love team, just do a book two. This story is just too tangled up now and again is just too long. End it now before I just get too pissed off and quit watching it.

And now to the more important issues of the day. JOHN LLOYD CRUZ and Ruffa Gutierrez.


I dont get what the big fuss is all about. Here's a 26-27 year old guy with raging hormones trying to get with a 35 year old Ruffa, who I must admit, with a few beers is certainly a MILF. Don't get me wrong Ruffa is hot but the beers are necessary to block off all thoughts that Ruffa is the daughter of Annabelle Rama.

Look people, John Lloyd probably grew up having one of Ruffa's posters in his wall growing up. The dude is just trying to live out his fantasy. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. I mean as much as JLC would love to pop Sarah Geronimo's cherry, there is no way in God's green earth that is going to happen. Sarah is a prude and will be until the end of time. Now can you blame JLC for going the cougar route?


What kinda bothers me is there are actually paparazzi here in the United States taking pictures of the pair. I know they are public figures but are they really worth megabytes on your precious digital cameras' memory? Really? Maybe if someone paid me I would trail these two, otherwise hell nah.

Other than that, leave the two alone. I mean every dude has a fantasy of getting it on with someone older than you. I mean when I was 13, I along with other boys my age spent nights cradling images of Alice Dixon in my bed. I wanted to see Dyesebel so bad I asked our maid if she wanted to go with me to see it with her security guard boyfriend. All i could think of at that time was topless mermaids + big screen = a good nights' sleep.

So I got no problem with these two doin it. I understand. The nine year difference is nothing. If there's one May-December affair that still bothers me to this day its the Ashton-Demi hookup, aside of course from the classic Nora Aunor-John Rendez tryst years back. If John Lloyd really wants to risk his career for a chance to get it on with Ruffa by all means. One word of advice though bro, make it worthwhile. Blow your brains out.

BTW, Happy 4th of July to everyone and remember this piece of advice: To all those celebrating this special day, remember huwag magpapaputok sa LOOB. Siguraduhing sa labas. DELIKADO at baka maraming madamay. BE SAFE.

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines

Friday, July 3, 2009

Shore Time Hotel

Boracay, Philippines

As consumers, we only take the time to write about a service or an establishment is when either they really really suck, they fucked us up, or both. But this is an entirely different story.

As we land in Caticlan, we were greeted by two pleasant and nice dudes by this gem of a hotel where we booked our stay in Boracay, Rhafy (yes his name is really spelled this way in his name tag) and Robert. (Thank god he does not have the unnecessary H in his name.) As soon as we met these guys there was an instant connection. Right away even without them doing anything extra ordinary, you knew you were in good hands. They were genuine and respectful without being over bearing or over acting. Being over acting is what ticks me off specially in the Philippines, when salespersons or employees of a place just greets the fuck out of you with their monotone good morning sir maam.


They pick us up in a nice shuttle (Toyota Avanza) to bring us to the boat that will take us to the island. It does gives me a little smile on my face that we get to ride this vehicle while most of the people we saw on the same flight were hauled in tricycles. Not that I do not like trikes but isnt it nice sometimes to know that you are treated a little better than your fellowmen? You're on vacation after all! And dammit I'm the President for crying out loud! Let's not forget that.


We get to the boat and in about 20 minutes or so, we get to Boracay island. Ahhhh i'm pumped! And after traversing the two lane road (which is so small it wont even pass as a side street from where I'm from) for about five minutes we reach our hotel...our home away from home...SHORE TIME HOTEL.

Behind the funny and suggestive name is a collection of individuals who are there to make sure all your needs are met. They are people who like their job. The smiles are not fake, and all of them can carry a nice, smart and sensible conversation. The hotel is impressive but as I have told all of them there during my stay, anyone can copy their amenities, their lay out, their structure but what sets them apart is their service. It is beyond perfection, beyond five stars.

The hotel is perfect for my taste. Not toooo fancy and not too cheap either. Just right. It is clean and still is brand new. (According to the staff it has only been in existence for about a year and a half.) The rooms are spacious, bright and one thing you would notice right away is it is not embellished with shit you really don't need. No fancy stupid flower arrangements, no crazy color schemes, just clean, well thought of necessities.

The staff made sure that all our needs our met, oftentimes going above and beyond the call of duty. Dropping us off at d mall even if they don't have to, just stuff you would truly appreciate.


The hotel is owned by the same person who owns the Andok's chain of restaurants (this is also where you order your free breakfast) and is located on station 1, perfect if you're not looking for the craziness stations 2 and 3 brings. Their suite where we stayed is good for 6 people (although there was only four of us) and is reasonably priced. It's veranda faces the street, which is perfect for people watching and its attic gets you a good and relaxing view of the beach. It is not beachfront mind you but unless you are a paraplegic I don't think one would mind the mere 20 or so steps it would take you for your feet to touch water.


I really could go on and on as those who have been following this blog (all three of you) can attest but this is one of the few times I can say I am relatively speechless. I have been to the biggest hotels in Vegas or anywhere else in the United States but they just can't compare. I guess its like going to your grandmas house only here they are shocked when you pickup after yourself. Shoretime hotel is the perfect compliment to your Boracay vacation.
(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines