Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Presidential message of Congratulations to the Agoncillo-Santos Nuptials

Malacanan Palace (29 April 2009)

Judy Ann and Ryan

My warmest congratulations. Although you ticked off a lot of people (many of whom are of the freeloading variety; not to mention Boy and Kris who were obviously bitter by not being invited) by acting like total wannabe hollywood celebs for misleading everyone about your wedding details, being married is a exciting and a big step in your journey as people in a relationship. I mean after a few years, if by some strange reason two people are still together, why the heck not get married. For starters it breaks up the monotony of the daily rigors of being in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

Ryan, it maybe costly for you Ryan since Juday is the breadwinner in your relationship but you will see that being married pays for itself over time. No more expensive dates, no more gifts for every monthsaries, no more shopping sprees for every time you screw up. Being married, you can just go home, sit on the couch and drink beer regardless if you forgot to pick your wife up from the grocery or you failed for the umpteenth time to put the seat up while peeing in the toilet. That my friend is classic. And if that is not enough, taking a shower is no longer a requirement in order to get laid. Heck you can even DEMAND sex whenever you damn well please claiming that it is one of the most essential components of a successful marriage.

Judy Ann, poor baby. Getting suckered into marrying a guy you created, whose best career move was being involved with you. Hopefully your guile manager Alfie Lorenzo prodded you to get a pre-nup. Can you just imagine what happens if god forbid Ryan takes half of your net worth in a divorce settlement? How are you going to recoup all of your life savings? Are you going to do "ULA ang batang gubat book two"? or "I'm Sorry My Love......Again." These are classics that should never ever be touched again just like other iconic movies such as Binibining Tsuperman, Patrolman and the classic "Lagot Ka sa Kuya Ko" which is written, directed, produced, edited, catered, dubbed, distributed by Ronnie Ricketts which co stars Mariz Ricketts.

Hopefully since you guys feel very very special, so special that a Sharon Cuneta would be up in the wee hours of the morning to prepare for your 7am wedding, you will do anything possible to ensure that this union would stand the test of time. I don't even want to think what Ogie and Regine would say when lets say, in less than a year you guys split up.

Oh and yeah, all your fans appreciate not sharing this special moment of yours with them. You'd think these people deserve at least a glimpse of the church where you guys had the wedding huh? I mean Sharon and Gabby, yes the ULTIMATE LOVE TEAM of ALL TIME had their wedding at the Manila Cathedral for everyone to see. I guess Ryan is of bigger stature than Gabby huh?

Again a sincere and heartfelt congratulations to your wedding. My administration is glad to see that this generations' superstar has finally walked the aisle. To Wowie De Guzman, sorry but you blew it. You had the winning ticket in your hands and you let it slip away, just like how you blew all other opportunities presented to you in the past. And Piolo?, well lets just say we all know WHAT he wants.

(Sgd) H.E. President of the Philippines
29 April, 2009

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