Thursday, June 18, 2009

State Visit to Manila

17 June 2009
10:06 p.m. Pacific Standard Time
Air Force One
Somewhere over the Pacific.

Subject: State Visit to Manila (Day 1)

As I write this, no one in Manila knows that in about 5 hours I will be knocking at their door and hopefully join them for dinner. This is a total surprise. This is also the reason why I havent updated this blog. I hope to capture some of it on video, should be pretty cool unless someone back home spilled the beans on me. But before that, why dont we look at the hell I have to go through to even get to that point.

As a beneficiary, I can basically go to anywhere I want to go in this world inexpensively. Not free but inexpensively. Cool right? The catch? Be ready to be treated like a piece of shit in every check in counter in the world. Lets face it, they dont like standbys. Its extra work for them, youre that last piece of hurdle they have to go through before their work is done. If your sorry ass ddnt show up, they couldve gotten to wherever they wanted to go, or smoked that cigarette five minutes ago. But since you showed up, they have to stay there 5 minutes longer so there...feel their wrath...

We get to the check in counter at an ungodly hour of 5:45 am. I cant remember being up that early ever. Not for anything in this world. But I guess for a chance of a quick 8 day sortie to the Philippines for less than 350, sure why not. Last time I was there was six years ago anyway so I guess it is about time.

So there I was, in my Pradas, lining up with the rest of the balikbayan box carrying travellers of this world to get to Manila. Witnessing this first hand just reinforced my belief that no self respecting person should ever travel with a balikbayan box. I mean just the mere fact that you decided, by your own free will to put your belongings in a box....I repeat a box!!! says something aboout yourself. It doesnt even matter if that box contains a Louis Vuitton purse your aunt wanted you to get her...stuffing it in a balikbayan box just makes it no different from a Louie Biton purse. Its just not right.

By 6:45 am we get to talk to the agent who basically said something to the effect of: "Well the chances of you getting on the SFO to HNL flight are the same of you having sex with Megan Fox."
We had a few options. Go home and try again another day, take our chances out of San Jose, haul our asses in the rush hour commute of the San Francisco Bay Area to Sacramento for a better chance of getting on a plane to HNL or goddamn it stay in SFO and get laid with Megan.

Obviously we got on, but the wait was just excruciating. Oh by the way, God the creator of Heaven and earth...attention...I was just kidding when I was praying those Stevens would not answer those pages because they got into a little car accident. So God, I don't know what kind of sense of humor youve got but when we got on after no one responded to the page: PASSENGER STEVENS party of two, I had some chills down my spine. I do not take resonsibility for it. they probably just overslept.

So lesson of the day: Keep on trying, dont give up, balilkbayan boxes are embarassing, wear pradas for good luck and I'm gonna fuck Megan Fox!!!!!!!!

(Sgd.) H.E. President of the Philippines

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